Complicated
by pixelatrix
Summary: "Are you propositioning me, sweetheart? What kind of man do I look like?" - Fem Shep & Hackett/Fem Shep & Massani. Slight Spoilers for ME1, ME2 & ME3. Rated M for Language & Stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**This will be an on-going story featuring a romantic triangle with Shep/Hackett & Shep/Massani. Also, this story series is ALL CelticGrace's fault.**

**This is AU-ish in a few ways, my stories always are. Rated M, mostly because I like to cuss like a sailor in life and in my stories.**

**Shepard in this is : Spacer, War Hero..Paragon(Mostly)**

**This chapter is more prologue than anything. I wanted to give a little flashback to how Shepard met Zaeed and Hackett.**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard glanced down at her omni-tool to check the time. She was supposed to be up on the bridge with Alenko and Moreau. But she was trying to finish up a message to her mom. The trouble with being from an Alliance family was that everyone was spread across the galaxy. Her mom's most recent message had included a little post-script about Nathan, one of Shepard's old boyfriends. Her mother couldn't understand why she was still single.

It was…_complicated._

And there was no way in hell to explain that to her mother.

It all started after the Skyllian Blitz on Elysium. The shiny medal and promotion were nice but all the damn attention had been a total pain in the ass. The Alliance wanted to turn her into a poster-girl for new recruits. And eventually, she'd received the new assignment to the _Normandy _as Captain Anderson's XO. She'd joined the crew after taking shore-leave. It had been a very interesting vacation, though not as exciting as the blitz.

The last time that she'd taken shore-leave, it had ended in a fight for her life. She decided to play it safe and head to a beach resort on Earth. She didn't even know the name of the town or resort anymore. She did remember the two men that she met while there. The men were polar opposites, though both strong, older men. She'd met one on the beach and the other at a local bar, sort of.

* * *

"_You're Shepard, aren't you?" The bartender set a beer in front of her. "The hero of the blitz."_

_Shepard cringed inwardly, but nodded to the man. She took the beer and headed out of the bar. She leaned against the wall and sipped from the bottle. The attention was so fucking annoying._

"_Having trouble blending in, are you?"_

_Shepard turned to find a man watching her from the shadow of a nearby alley. He stepped into the light and she recognized him almost immediately. She'd seen a file on him during her N-program training. Zaeed Massani was a notorious bounty hunter, who despite the scars, she found very attractive._

"_Mr. Massani." Shepard tipped her beer bottle at him in a mock salute. "I didn't take you for a surfer."_

"_Mercs aren't too pleased with you." Massani gave her an assessing gaze. "Batarians aren't thrilled with you either."_

"_Batarians are never thrilled with humans." Shepard ignored the visceral reaction that his gravelly voice gave her and focused on the warning in her gut. "If you're going to try to kill me, can I finish the beer first?"_

"_I never try."_

"_That's what the batarians said." Shepard took another swig of the beer._

"_You don't seem all that concerned about me." Massani seemed to find this amusing._

"_You've been watching me for the last three days. If you wanted to kill me, you'd have already done it." Shepard tossed her empty beer bottle at him and calmly walked away. A gruff chuckle followed her all the way down the road and around the corner._

_The next day, she found an interesting message on her extranet account._

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: You've got balls…_

…_turning your back on a man like me._

_Stupid woman._

* * *

_Shepard called in a favor from an engineer buddy who managed to track down Massani's contact info. She never liked to let someone else have the last word._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Some ugly bastard._

_Subj: re: balls._

_Didn't they shoot yours off?_

_Shepard_

* * *

_The beach was over-crowded the following morning, so she found herself hiking up the nearby cliff trails instead of sunbathing. It was worth it when she got to the top and watched the waves crashing on the rocks below._

"_It's a beautiful view, isn't it?"_

_Shepard glanced over her shoulder to find a man that she'd crushed on for years standing behind her. "Admiral Hackett."_

"_Commander Shepard." Hackett stepped up beside her at the cliff's edge. "Enjoying your shore-leave?"_

"_I thought I'd see if I could have a normal one before I joined the Normandy." She watched him out of the corner of her eye._

_He hadn't changed much in the years that she'd known him. They met first when she'd graduated as an N7 and then right after the Blitz. He'd been the one to award the Star of Terra to her. Crush probably wasn't the right word for what she felt._

_She took in Hackett's dark jeans and short-sleeved shirt that had several buttons open at the collar. He wasn't wearing the damn hat that he always wore. His salt and pepper hair was barely bothered by the wind. _

_Lust._

_That was the right word. _

"_So how long are you here for?" Hackett breathed in deeply, enjoying the ocean breeze. _

"_I leave the day after tomorrow." Shepard watched a surfer down below trying to avoid meeting Hackett's intense gaze. _

"_Do you have plans for dinner?" Hackett turned from the view and focused his full attention on her._

* * *

"Hey Shepard, the Captain wants you up on the bridge." Alenko tapped his fingers against her bunk. "Joker said we're not far off from the jump to Eden Prime."

Shepard glanced up from the message that she was finishing up. "Thanks, L.T."

She fired off the message to her mom then paused to check her incoming mail. There was one from an unknown sender. She almost ignored it.

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Bounty_

_Someone's offering a lot of money to find you._

_Not enough for me. You're too much bloody work._

_Z.M._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own.  
**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Chora's Den was not Shepard's favorite place to visit on the Citadel. If it hadn't been for Sha'ira's request, she wouldn't have stepped foot in the place again. And she certainly wouldn't have come within ten feet of Harkin. She took a cursory glance around the club to find the man in question wasn't at his table. She frowned slightly then glanced over her shoulder to find Alenko catching up with her.

"That's General Oraka in the corner." Alenko gestured with a nod of his head towards the turian that they were looking for. "Harkin's not here. The bouncer said that he was roughed up by a human with an accent."

"Roughed up? Why does this not surprise me?" Shepard started towards Oraka only to stop mid-step when she noticed the person that was leaning against the wall to the left of where Harkin had been sitting previously. "Massani."

"Did you say something Commander?" Alenko was looking at her with a confused look.

She waved her hand at him distractedly. Aside from the odd message, she hadn't seen or heard much of anything from Massani since her last shore-leave. It was a little unnerving to find him on the Citadel. He had a drink in his hand and he was casually watching one of the dancers. He knew she was there, the old merc was nothing if not observant.

First things first though, she focused her attention on getting the turian general to start acting like a grown man…turian. With that taken care of, she sent Alenko to the embassy to handle the elcor with instructions to meet her outside the Consort's Chambers. She waited for him to leave then headed straight over to Massani.

"I understand that you and Harkin had a little disagreement." She stepped in front of him.

"Hello to you to." He looked at her over the edge of the glass that he'd just raised to his lips. "He's an annoying little piss-ant."

"Not that I'm complaining, but why the hell did you beat him up? He's a fucking coward; I can't imagine that he'd pick a fight with you." Shepard found herself focusing a little too much on the lips that were sipping what looked like whiskey of some sort.

"I didn't like something he said," Massani shrugged as if that explained everything.

"I know the feeling." Shepard had barely resisted the urge to slam her fist into the former C-Sec officer during their earlier encounter.

"You made quite an impression on him." Zaeed handed his empty glass to a passing waitress.

"Oh?" Shepard's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What _exactly_ did Harkin say that pissed you off?"

Before he could respond, Shepard got a message from Alenko over the Comm. He'd handled the elcor problem and was waiting for her at the human ambassador's office. Shepard gave Zaeed a curious look, then with a wave, headed back towards the Presidium. The ride over wasn't long enough for her to fully decipher what the hell that had been with the bounty hunter.

_And why the hell was he on the Citadel to begin with?_

Shepard strode through the embassy up to Udina's office where Alenko was supposed to be waiting for her. Her body was on auto-pilot while her mind went over the conversation with Zaeed from different angles. She stepped through the doors and straight into Admiral Hackett. He was just a little taller than she was, and she found herself staring at his beard. She tilted her head slightly until she met his blue eyes that were looking very amused.

"Commander Shepard." He moved to the right to let her into the office. "I believe Lieutenant Alenko was waiting for you."

"I ran into an old friend." Shepard wasn't sure why she felt the need to bring that up. She started towards Alenko only to have the Admiral place a hand on her arm.

Hackett leaned close enough that the others wouldn't hear him. "I'd be more cautious of Zaeed Massani. He's not known for his ability to keep _friendships_."

"With all due respect, Admiral, what's it to you?" Shepard frowned up at him. She carefully pried his hand off of her arm then ducked around him. "Let's go, L.T."

Alenko glanced from her to the Admiral. He shrugged at Udina, saluted the Admiral and followed Shepard out of the office. The Commander was silent all the way across the Presidium. They resolved matters with the consort. It was the last errand that they had left to run on the Citadel for the moment.

"Are you ok, Shepard?" Alenko asked once they'd stepped into the elevator and were heading down to C-Sec Headquarters. "You seem a little tense."

"I'm just trying to remind myself that sometimes dinner isn't simply dinner." Shepard was staring down at her hands so missed the completely confused look on Alenko's face.

There wasn't much time for conversation after that. They stepped out of the second elevator that led up to the dock only to find Udina and Captain Anderson waiting for them. Shepard hated politics. Her parents had taught her how to maneuver through the muddy waters of politics and the admiralty, but that didn't mean she enjoyed it. Anderson deserved a hell of a lot more than a desk job.

She would've been lying if she wasn't excited that the _Normandy_ was now hers to command. Joker was setting a course for Artemis Tau. They needed to find Matriarch Benezia's daughter and find out what she knew about Saren. _Traitorous Bastard._ Shepard sat at her terminal in what had been Anderson's quarters typing up a quick message to her mom. It wasn't every day that she was handed the keys to the newest and most impressive ship in the Alliance fleet. Her mom would be proud, and probably jealous. She hit send and refreshed the inbox. She found two new messages. _Men. _ She sighed and decided to check the one from an unknown sender first. Why the hell did he bother with the unknown part? She always knew who the hell it was from.

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Harkin._

_The bastard is currently hiding from me. Must've been something I said._

_I hear you got a fucking ship of your own, nice._

_Can you give me a lift?_

_Z.M._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: The Arrogant Bastard who should use his own fucking extranet account._

_Subj: re: Skycabs_

_No._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: Mercenaries and Bounty Hunters_

_Do not make good friends, Commander._

_Congrats on the Normandy._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Neither do nosy Admirals._

_Thanks._

_Shepard_

* * *

The mission to find Doctor Liara T'soni hadn't gone quite as she expected. A Prothean ruin imploding on top of them was not exactly how she expected to end the day. Joker got to play hero, which would make him insufferable for a few days. The council had been able to reprimand her for the destruction and the good doctor now wanted to dissect her brain to learn more about the beacon. That might have been an exaggeration but Shepard was just not in the mood.

She told Joker to head for the Amazon system in the Voyager cluster. There was a missing espionage probe that she needed to track down. Hackett had been very…professional when he'd asked her to investigate the probe. It was weird. _Men._ He hadn't responded to her message either. _Fucker_. She told Wrex and Vakarian to suit up. They made her laugh and she needed that at the moment.

"Why does it always end up with giant explosions?" Shepard glanced down at the nuclear bomb that was ticking down.

The probe had been a trap. She was going to kill Hackett. Well, first, she was going to kill Elanos Haliat. That fucker had been responsible for the attack on Elyisum. They had a score to settle with each other. His master plan revolved around Shepard's inability to disarm the bomb. He had made a critical error. It took her seconds to disarm the three hard points. Wrex and Garrus were just as pissed off while they navigated the tunnel that led to the surface.

She had Garrus set up a sniper position on top of the hill. Wrex would come down the hill from the left side and she would flank them on the right. It all went splendidly until she tripped on loose gravel. Wrex and Garrus were too busy with the rest of the mercs to notice that Elanos was now holding a pistol to her head.

Shepard's fingers twitched around the pistol in her hand. She wasn't sure if there was enough time to get a shot off before Haliat could pull the trigger. A loud crack from a rifle exploded just behind her and a body hit the ground just in front of her. She looked first into the dead eyes of Elanos Haliat and then up to find Zaeed fucking Massani sitting casually on the hood of her Mako.

"What the_ hell_ are you doing here?" She pulled herself up off the ground. She kicked the dead merc once in the head just to make sure that he was dead.

"I told you that someone was paying a lot of money to find out where you would be." He rested his rifle against his knee. "I decided to take the money. It's always more satisfying to kill mercs after they've paid you to kill someone else."

"Rumor has it that you don't do well by your friends." Shepard holstered her pistol and brushed the red dirt from her armor.

"Tell Hackett that he'll have to do better than that." Zaeed dropped down from the front of the Mako and headed over to a nearby vehicle.

Shepard watched him drive off with a smirk on her face. There was a story between these two men. She'd bet all the money in her bank account that they'd never tell her what it was. Wrex and Garrus brought her attention back to the current mission. The mercs were all dead; the probe had been taken care of. They hopped into the Mako and headed back to the _Normandy_. She found a message from the merc later when she was writing up her report at her terminal.

* * *

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: One of these days.. _

_You are going to tell me how the hell you found my address in the first place._

_Did you tell Hackett what I said?_

_Try not to get shot._

_Z.M._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M._

_Subj: Pushy bastard._

_No. _

_And no, I haven't said a thing to him. Do it yourself._

_Try not to get shot? This from the man who had a hole in his head?_

_Maybe you should take your own advice._

_Shepard_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"Hey Commander, how about next time, we avoid the planet with the giant talking plants and zombies that vomit everywhere?" Joker spoke over his shoulder when she walked past the bridge.

"I'll make a note for next time." Shepard laughed then started down the walkway to her quarters. She paused to yell back at the pilot. "Head for the Citadel, I need to pick up a new set of armor."

"Problems?"

Shepard pointed to the holes in various parts of her armor. "Zombie spit. It turns out that it's rather caustic."

"Shit."

"Yep." She continued on to her quarters.

Once she'd showered and changed into clothes that weren't half melted, she sat down to catch her breath and enjoy a strong cup of coffee. There was a flashing light on her terminal that indicated a new message.

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: re: unknown senders_

_I believe that you left something out of your report regarding the missing probe._

_I received a message from an unknown source that informed me of the unexpected_

_assistance that you received from a certain bounty hunter._

_He also tells me that I will have to try harder._

_Care to explain?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: unknown senders_

_No._

_Shepard_

* * *

Admiral Mikhailovich was waiting when they docked at the Citadel. It took all of her diplomatic skills to talk him down from his initial opinion of the _Normandy_. She walked from that directly into a fucking reporter with a hidden agenda and a massive chip on her shoulder. She should have punched the bitch; instead, she talked circles around the reporter. In the end, journalist ended up looking psychotic and Shepard hoped that she came across well.

She picked up a new set of armor at the Spectre requisitions office. With that taken care of, she stopped by Flux for a drink. She was just about to take a seat when she spotted Hackett at a table by himself. She ordered a drink at the bar then went up to him.

"Admiral." Shepard gave him a half-hearted salute.

He motioned for her to take a seat and all of a sudden, Shepard was taken back to another time and another restaurant.

* * *

"_I was beginning to think that you were standing me up." Hackett remarked when Shepard approached the table. He took in the beautiful green dress that she was wearing. "You look stunning."_

"_Nice monkey suit," Shepard caught a glimpse of the formal suit that he was wearing. It was black with a white shirt and dark blue trim. _

"_Monkey suit?"_

"_That's what my dad always called any kind of formal attire that required him to wear uncomfortable shoes." Shepard smiled at the memory. "I wasn't trying to be fashionably late. I thought I saw…someone."_

"_Someone?" Hackett was finding the Commander to be more intriguing than he thought he would. "Anyone that I know?"_

"_No." Shepard's response was sharp and she seemed to regret it immediately. "I don't know."_

"_Does it have anything to do with the man who followed you into the restaurant?" Hackett watched her intently, and then motioned towards something directly behind her. "He's sitting at the bar."_

* * *

"Are you going to sit down?"

Hackett's question brought her back to the present. She grabbed her drink from Jenna and sank down into the seat.

"You seemed a little lost there for a moment." Hackett remarked while watching her gulp down her drink.

"I'm just feeling a bit of déjà vu." She paused to peer over her shoulder at the bar, no Zaeed at the moment. "It was a silly, little memory, nothing more."

"So why was Zaeed Massani on Agebinium?" Hackett waved Jenna over to order another round of drinks.

Shepard twirled the empty glass in her hand until the waitress had left. She finally looked up at him and answered the question. "He was collecting a bounty."

"On whom?"

"Me," she answered.

"What?" Hackett frowned at her.

"He took the money then shot the fucker who hired him." Shepard was momentarily distracted by the sense that she was being watched. She shook off the feeling and continued speaking. "I think it was a win-win for everyone."

"Shepard."

"What exactly is your issue with Massani, anyway?" Shepard asked after taking the new drink from the waitress.

"You shouldn't trust him." Hackett's jaw clenched so tightly that she wondered if he were going to break a tooth.

"I don't. I don't trust you either." She set the glass down; deciding that she'd had enough alcohol. "You are both men who seem to be interested in me. Why the hell would I trust what you say about him?"

"You need to…" Hackett's voice trailed off while he stared at something over her shoulder.

Shepard followed his gaze and found the source of his anger and her earlier feeling of being watched. "Can I never just get a drink without all the drama?"

"No."

"That was a rhetorical question, Admiral." Shepard rolled her eyes at him.

Zaeed appeared to be quite happy just watching from afar, he was trying to get under Hackett's skin. From the look in the Admiral's eyes, he was succeeding in his goal. Shepard remembered the way that last interrupted dinner had ended. She wasn't in the mood to deal with men who were old enough to know better than get into an argument in public.

"I'll just be heading back to the ship. You enjoy your pissing contest." Shepard left the Admiral with the bill and a half-empty glass.

She headed straight back to the ship. It was unlikely that either of the two hard-headed idiots would follow her there. That sadly didn't restrict at least one of them from sending her messages. _Idiots._

* * *

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Drinks._

_Next time, stick around. _

_I don't bite._

_Z.M._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M._

_Subj: re: Drinks._

_How about next time, you don't follow me like a stalker?_

_Oh, and if you want to invite me for drinks?_

_Maybe you shouldn't spend your time focus on the man who I'm with._

_Shepard_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_Snow._

_Traitors._

_Political intrigue._

Those were the things that Shepard expected to find when they landed on Noveria. Matriarch Benezia was somewhere on the planet. Liara and Wrex were joining her on this mission. Alenko was disappointed. She got the sinking feeling that the Lieutenant was developing a crush on her.

There were enough complications of the male variety in her life. She was going to have to let him down gently. If that wasn't enough, Doctor T'soni had tiptoed around the same damn thing. _Were there no other women on the fucking ship?_

"Are we going in?" Wrex nudged her on the shoulder.

"Yea, yea." Shepard stumbled forward into the elevator that led to the mezzanine level.

Gianna Parasini had suggested that she should find Lorik Qui'in at the hotel lounge. He might be able to help her get a pass to the garage. When they stepped out of the elevator, Shepard scanned the room looking for the turian. Her eyes stopped instead on a familiar figure.

"Of all the…" Shepard ignored the curious glances from her squad and headed straight towards Zaeed.

"Shepard," Zaeed greeted when she reached his table.

"What the hell are you doing on Noveria?" Shepard stood with her hands on her hips.

"Looking for a salarian," he shrugged. "You?"

"Hunting an asari matriarch with a geth entourage." Shepard grinned at the gleam in his eyes. She glanced over to look at the snow falling outside. "Fucking blizzard."

"Need someone to keep you warm, Shepard?" Zaeed's voice seemed to drop down an octave.

"Should we leave you two alone for a moment?" Liara looked incredibly uncomfortable.

_Do Asari blush?_

"C'mon Shepard," Wrex grumbled behind her. If he kept nudging her shoulder, she was going to have a Krogan fist-sized bruise back there. "The geth won't kill themselves."

The fucker did have a point. Shepard grabbed Zaeed's glass and drank the contents.

"That's all the warmth that I need from you, thanks Massani." Shepard turned around and headed towards Lorik Qui'in.

"He's still watching." Liara glanced nervously back at the bounty hunter.

"It's ok, Liara. He's not watching you." Shepard was beginning to regret bringing her along. The doctor belonged in a lab or on a dig site, not in the middle of a war.

By the time they were riding the tram back towards the _Normandy_; Shepard had more than one regret on her mind. It was hard watching a parent die, even if she was an indoctrinated traitor. Liara was holding up better than Shepard had expected.

"Hey Commander, we just got a message from that Parasini chick. She asked if you could stop by the hotel lounge again." Joker's voice stopped her just as she stepped out of the airlock.

"Damn it."

She handled the debrief with the entire squad and then with the council as well. She considered taking a shower but decided to meet with Internal Affairs agent first. Exhaustion was quickly becoming a state of mind for Shepard. She struggled to stay awake while the elevator moved slowly up towards the hotel.

Gianna was nowhere around so she walked over to the hotel concierge who directed her to a private meeting room nearby. Her hand was resting on the pistol holstered on her hip when she stepped into the room.

"I could shoot you long before you got the chance to raise that gun." Zaeed was reclining casually on one of the couches in the room.

"You are a very ugly woman." Shepard stood just inside the door. "What do you want?"

"A lift?"

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my ship." Shepard shook her head.

"Are you sure about that?" Zaeed stood slowly and stalked towards her.

Shepard stood her ground and with a few steps, they were practically nose to nose. Shepard tilted her head so she was looking at the side of his head and not his goddamn lips.

"You aren't touching my ship," she sounded a little less sure when he was close enough to smell. He smelled like gunpowder, booze and really fucking good sex.

"It's not your ship that I want to touch."

Shepard was torn between wanting to give in to what that one sentence offered and wanting to get out of armor covered in spider guts. The spider guts won. She stepped back so that she could think clearly.

"Stalking isn't generally considered an appropriate method of courtship," she remarked once there was enough space between them.

"Courtship?"

"I'm sorry; I just assumed this was all part of some bizarre angry, old man mating ritual." Shepard bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Zaeed seemed lost for words. She used that to make a quick escape from the room and back to the safety of her ship. "See you around, Massani."

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: Again?_

_I understand that you had another encounter with that bounty hunter._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Fucking again._

_Honestly, if you are so hot for Massani, why don't you just message him directly?_

_Fuckin' hell._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: re: Again?_

_Be careful that you don't border on insubordination._

_Hackett_

* * *

Shepard stared at the message for several long minutes. _Fucking asshole._ She couldn't believe that he'd just sent her that, the goddamn hypocrite. She tapped her fingers angrily on the desk trying to decide how to respond. She finally changed a few options on her extranet account. With a grim smile, she headed for the showers to finally rinse the rachni out of her hair. _Ew. _

* * *

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_From: Alliance Extranet Server Admin_

_Subj: re: Again?_

_Your message included below has been rejected by the recipient._

_If you believe this is an error, please respond to the help desk._

_Corporal Anthony Michaels_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard knelt next to the lifeless body of Admiral Kahoku. She was so angry that it took all of her strength not to rampage through the lab. She'd liked Kahoku. They met during the blitz. He was one of the Alliance officers that had finally helped stop the batarians. He was a good man and a great officer. He didn't deserve the death that he had received.

"Commander?" Alenko was standing nearby trying not to intrude. Wrex was busy stomping on the already dead Cerberus soldiers. Shepard appreciated the sentiment. "Shouldn't we get going?"

Shepard took a moment to compose herself. There was no point in snapping at Kaidan. It wasn't his fault and he was just too convenient a target for her anger. She finally stood though her eyes remained focused on the body on the ground.

"We've seen this Cerberus group too many damn times, Shepard." Wrex tossed his shotgun to Alenko and then reached down to lift up the Admiral's body. "We shouldn't leave him here."

"Agreed. Thanks Wrex." Shepard glanced one more time around the room then headed towards the exit and the waiting Mako.

Once on the _Normandy_, she headed to the galaxy map to plot a course for Nepheron in the Columbia system. It was too late to save Kahoku. But the bastards were going to fucking pay for killing him. They took out the underground facility on the planet and retrieved several encrypted files of information. The Alliance would be able to do something with the information once they broke the encryption. She also told the Shadow Broker's agent to go fuck himself.

They headed for the Armstrong Cluster next to deal with the geth. There was nothing like killing a bunch of fucking synthetics to work out anger issues. Kahoku's death wasn't the only thing on her mind. There had been silence from both Massani and Hackett for days now aside from Hackett's incessant missions. Granted, she'd blocked Hackett's email account. But honestly, he was a fucking admiral. He should be able to figure out how to get around that.

_Men._

Shepard let Tali copy the geth data that she found on the last planet before forwarding it on to Alliance Command. She was tired and sore. The crew appeared fairly worn out as well, so she set a course for The Citadel. She needed to stop by to check on Lieutenant Zabaleta for her mom anyway. The VAO confirmed that he had reached out for help so Shepard sent a note to her mom and headed to the Presidium.

The benches in front of one of the fountains were a perfect place to catch her breath. She'd barely been seated a minute before someone took a seat beside her. She glanced up ready to tell them to fuck off only to find Admiral Hackett beside her.

"You blocked my messages." He leaned casually back with his arm draped along the top of the bench.

Shepard just shrugged and scooted down on the bench so their legs weren't touching.

"Care to explain why?"

"Care to explain why you were being a jackass?" She shot back at him. "Or why you seem to have such an issue with Zaeed Massani?"

"I wasn't…" Hackett started to argue.

"Insubordination? You accused me of being insubordinate." Shepard cut him off. "Are _you_ serious? _You_ ask me out on a date. You try to tell me who I can and more importantly _can't_ talk to. And you want to take issue with a comment that I make? I am too tired to deal with this."

"I…"

"I have to go. I've got another goddamn errand to run for you." Shepard stood and stormed away, barely remembering to snap a salute in his direction.

Her anger carried her all the way into the elevator that went down to lower wards. Doctor Michel had asked her to stop by before leaving.. She slammed the down button with her fist. It wasn't until she began to regulate her breathing better that she realized she wasn't alone in the elevator. She turned her head to find Zaeed staring at her in amusement.

_Fucking hell._

"You seem a little tense. I could help massage a little of that away for you." He took a single step and it covered the length of the elevator.

_Move faster. Move faster. Move faster._ Shepard urged the elevator on in her head. The Citadel elevators were the slowest that she had ever encountered. She kept her gaze firmly planted on the ground. Maybe if she ignored the man now standing directly in front of her, he'd magically disappear. His boot nudged hers a little.

_Damn it._

She shifted her gaze from the floor to find him smiling down at her.

"Don't you have someone to hunt down?" She asked.

Zaeed scratched his jaw for a moment watching her intently. "Who says I'm not?"

She was briefly reminded of something her father had told her when she sent him a message from basic training when she'd gotten into trouble over something stupid. _Never jump from the frying pan into the fire. Figure out a way to put the fire out first._ It was easier said than done when the flames were in such a nice package.

She could have punched him, or even slammed her knee into his groin. Instead, she just watched his hand move from his side up to grasp her chin firmly. He held her still while he leaned in until their lip brushed together. She found herself trying to deepen the kiss but his fingers had a tight grip on her. He kissed her once more then stepped back out of reach. She started towards him only for the elevator doors to open. His fingers brushed against her lips then before she could move, he stepped out and disappeared in the crowds of the wards.

_Son of a bitch._

She was so stunned that it wasn't until the lift starting to move again that she realized she forgot to get out. She was so screwed. The doctor was just going to have to wait until the next time she was on the Citadel. She decided to head back to the ship.

Her face was still flushed when she finally stepped through the airlock into the _Normandy_. Joker gave her a curious gaze but let the matter go. She told him to head for the Sol system. They had a rogue AI to shut down on the moon. Maybe that would cool the fire burning inside her.

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: Apologies._

_Are not something that I do._

_But my earlier message was out of line. _

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: Apologies._

_Apology accepted._

_Even if you really didn't give one._

_Shepard_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: CelticGrace, thanks for the help!**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

It was supposed to be a relaxing break from chasing Saren. The _Normandy _needed to restock on some supplies, so Shepard decided to check out her retirement home on Inta'sei. Joker promised to send Alenko with the Mako once they finished. She left the door open so she wouldn't have to worry if she fell asleep. In retrospect, that wasn't the best idea. Hindsight really was a bitch.

Shepard was reclining back in a chair with her feet propped up when the door chimed to indicate that it was open. She titled back to find Hackett stepping into the living area.

"How the…?" She spun around in the chair and tumbled to the floor.

"Admiral Ahern mentioned that he'd lost a bet to Commander Shepard." Hackett extended a hand to help her off the floor.

"Gossiping admirals," Shepard chuckled at the image that conjured in her head. "So what can I do for you?"

"I was at my desk on Arcturus when it suddenly occurred to me that you mentioned our dinner as a date." Hackett remarked casually.

"That…" Her mouth snapped shut when he began to advance towards her.

"I seem to have missed a critical part of the date ritual." His blue eyes twinkled at her as he continued," the kiss good night is way too important to skip."

Shepard was so distracted that the door chiming again didn't register. Hackett's lips were an inch from hers when what sounded like a growl came from the doorway. The growl turned out to be a very angry curse from a very angry man.

_Oh fucking hell._

"What is _he_ doing here?" Hackett emphasized each word through clenched teeth.

"I have no idea. I didn't invite _either_ of you." She shoved him out of her way.

"You're not going to win this." Zaeed stepped around Shepard who was trying to keep the two men apart.

"Worried, Massani?" You've never been able to hold on to anything but your damn rifle." Hackett didn't seem concerned at all.

"I'm so tired of conversations that I don't understand," Shepard grumbled.

"Just so you know, _Admiral_, I got there first." Zaeed smirked at Hackett.

"Hey! I'm right here, asshole." Shepard understood immediately what Zaeed was referring to.

This was not going well, and then things got a little worse. Shepard made the mistake of stepping between the two just as Hackett threw a punch at the bounty hunter. His fist caught her right on the nose. She felt the bone snap right before blood starting gushing down her face. _Shit._

Zaeed caught her before she hit the floor. "Easy there, sweetheart."

He grabbed a nearby cloth and pressed it against her nose to stem the flow of blood. He applied medi-gel, and then eased her slowly to the ground in his lap.

"This is going to hurt." Zaeed pulled the towel away to get a better look. "I'm gonna have to set the bone or you'll heal crooked."

His fingers gripped her nose tightly. With a muttered curse, he yanked it to the right. There was a flash of intense pain, and then everything went dark.

"I will shoot both of you in the crotch." Shepard muttered when she regained consciousness a few minutes later. She was alternating between pain and anger.

Hackett placed a glass of amber liquid in her hand. "Drink this, it'll help a little."

Shepard drank carefully trying to avoid bumping her nose against the rim of the glass. The liquor helped to numb some of the pain. Zaeed was still holding her in his lap. The bleeding had stopped but both her shirt and his were splattered with blood. Nothing bleeds quite like a nose injury.

"What the hell is the deal with you two?" Shepard gingerly felt along her nose. It was sore and swollen but appeared relatively straight.

"I am not going to discuss it." Hackett held out a hand to help her up.

Shepard just stared at his hand then up at him. "Get the hell out of my house."

"He…"

"Admiral, with all due respect, I have a broken nose and I'm covered in my blood. If you can't be bothered to explain yourself, then I suggest you take yourself back to Arcturus." Shepard got to her feet and snapped a salute at him. "Sir."

"This isn't over." Hackett glared down at Massani before glancing at Shepard. "I'm sorry about the nose."

Shepard watched him leave then turned her anger towards the man still sitting on the floor. "What the fuck is your problem? _I got there first._ I'm sorry, did I get 'property of Zaeed Massani' tattooed on my ass and not realize it?"

"Not a bad idea, Shepard." Zaeed got to his feet and came over to check on her nose.

"You can go the fuck away as well." Shepard batted his hand away from her face. "I'm serious though, what is up with you and Hackett?"

"He destroyed someone who I loved." Zaeed turned around and wandered over to stare out across the desert.

"You fought over a woman?" Shepard was still gingerly checking over her nose. It was going to be a pain in the ass to wear a helmet for a day or two. Maybe Chakwas had stronger meds or something.

"Not the way that you're thinking." He ran a hand across a tattoo on his arm. "I had a sister. She was younger than I was. I came back to Earth to visit and found her in the arms of an Alliance marine. He was on shore-leave. He left her when his vacation was over. It broke her heart. She was never a very strong person."

"What happened to her?" Shepard asked.

"I found her in a pool of blood. She shot herself." Zaeed spun on his heel and headed for the door. "I'll kill him if I ever get the chance. Fuckin' bastard."

Shepard watched him storm out just as Garrus was pulling the Mako up outside.

_Men._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"Bad day?" Garrus asked while he watched Shepard take apart her favorite shotgun, reassemble it, then take the damn thing apart again.

"Week."

Her nose still hurt like a motherfucker, and she had two black eyes to go with it. Wearing a helmet made everything hurt worse, so she had tried not wearing one on their last mission. The biotics holding Chairman Burns hostage decided to get cute with a throw and she ended up with a concussion. That joyful event was followed by a very long lecture by the doc. Then to make matters worse, she let a batarian terrorist walk. It was the right decision to save the colony and the hostages.

_Damn fucking bastard._

"I haven't gotten injured this much since I was in basic training." Shepard slammed the shotgun back into its shelf in the armory. They were on their way to Virmire. She decided to check her private messages before they reached the Hoc System.

* * *

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Nose better?_

_There's a batarian named Balak talking shit about you on Omega._

_I used his head for target practice._

_Z.M_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M_

_Subj: Good._

_Fucking batarians._

_Also, no. _

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: Messages Unread._

_You haven't ready any of the six messages that I've sent you._

_I am sorry about the nose._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: unread messages._

_Tell me about Zaeed Massani's sister._

_I have a broken nose, two black eyes and a concussion._

_I'll ignore your goddamn messages if I want to._

_Shepard_

* * *

The _Normandy _arrived at Virmire before she could read Hackett's response to her message. She grabbed her armor and headed for the shuttle bay.

She was moving a lot slower on the return trip. She was goddamn Commander Shepard. She didn't leave people behind. But a sacrifice had been required by the gods of war. They'd reached the STG squad too damn late, Ashley was already dead.

Shepard locked herself in her quarters after the debrief was over. Joker was flying them straight to the Citadel. She needed some time alone. Ash was a damn good soldier. Saren needed to die. He had cost her two of the soldiers under her command.

* * *

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: re: your last message._

_No._

_I was sorry to hear about Williams. _

_Was there nothing that could be done?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: No. _

_Fuck you._

_Shepard_

* * *

Shepard would give a rank for a goddamn unsend button. The silence on the other side of the extra-net was very loud. She resisted the urge to slam her head into her desk. Chakwas might chain her to the medical bay bed if she got another injury to the head.

_Three Hours Later_

Sulking.

That was definitely one word for what she was doing in Chora's Den with a shot of ryncol in front of her. Wrex was on the bar stool next to her egging her on. Garrus was on the other side of Wrex trying to see how much he could make on a vid of Commander Shepard drunk. The _Normandy_ was locked out, and Udina needed to die…slowly.

She glanced over at Wrex who was now arguing with Garrus over who the worst Mako driver on the ship was. She reached for the ryncol but the glass was gone. A low chuckle to her left drew her attention to the man sitting on the stool next to her.

"Ryncol's like varren piss mixed with thresher maw acid as a chaser. Try the whiskey instead." Zaeed slid a glass to her.

"You have personal experience with varren piss, do you?" She looked first at the glass and then up at him.

Zaeed touched a finger to her nose. "It didn't heal as straight as I thought it might."

Shepard shrugged. "I like it. It makes me memorable, not just another pretty face."

Wrex snorted loudly, while Garrus pounded on his back. Shepard glared at them both over her shoulder.

"Commander, Captain Anderson wants to see you at Flux." Alenko rushed in completely out of breath. "He has an idea."

"Get a head start to the _Normandy_." Shepard motioned for Wrex and Garrus to follow Kaidan. She turned back to Massani. "So Balak's dead?"

Zaeed's eyes narrowed at the batarian's name. "Murderous bastard. He made a lovely sound when I shot his eyes out one by one."

"That's the best thing that I've heard all day." Shepard slid the glass back over to him. "I need a clear head."

His hand reached up to grasp the collar of her armor and pulled her down until he could reach her lips. "We wouldn't want you to be distracted."

"Drink your whiskey, Massani." Shepard ran her hand along his chest then pushed away from him. She raced out of the bar headed for Flux.

* * *

Zaeed smiled down at the still full glass on the bar. He wasn't smiling hours later when a full on fucking invasion of the Citadel started. He'd been headed towards the dock to grab a shuttle to head out for his next bounty when he noticed geth and husk creatures everywhere. He was holed up taking pot shots at the bloody synthetics when he caught sight of Shepard heading up the stairs towards the council chambers.

By the time that he got up to the tower, Sovereign had exploded into it. There was debris everywhere. He skirted around the edges, avoiding the C-Sec and Alliance Officers that were looking for survivors. He'd seen where Shepard was before the impact. He'd about given up when he saw a boot sticking out from under a large panel.

With his shoulder under it, he hefted the damn panel away from the Commander's body. He knelt to check her pulse, only to have her try to grab his hand. She cried out in pain, her arm wasn't working quite right.

"C'mon, sweetheart." Zaeed helped her to her feet. He checked her for other injuries. "You'll find Captain Anderson over that mountain of debris."

Shepard frowned at him, but he placed a not so gentle kiss on her lips to silence any argument. Since, she was relatively ok on her feet, he decided to put a little distance between them before Hackett showed up. He was gone before Shepard could get a single word out.

* * *

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Hero of the Bloody Citadel._

_Planning on shore-leave at some point?_

_I've got a bottle of whiskey to celebrate saving your stupid ass._

_Z.M._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M_

_Subj: Not fucking likely._

_The council's sending us to hunt down the geth._

_No one wants to listen to me when I say it's a fucking waste of time._

_Not even Hackett is listening._

_We're headed to the Omega Nebula next._

_Shepard_

_PS: Saving the damn whiskey. I'll need it._

* * *

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: ANN…_

…_keeps reporting that a ship has gone missing near the Omega Nebula._

_Stealth drive working too well?_

_Z.M._

* * *

Omega was one of Zaeed's favorite places to work. He could shoot fuckers in the wards and no one bloody noticed. He was sitting at a bar watching his current prey, a batarian who had cheated an information broke on Illium, when a breaking news report announced that the missing Alliance ship had been destroyed by an unknown enemy. He strained to hear the report over the music.

"….survivors from the _Normandy_ have been taken to Arcturus for medical treatment. Commander Jane Shepard is missing in action and believed to be dead. She was attempting to save her crew at the time according to an unnamed source close to the current investigation into the unidentified vessel that attacked the ship."

_Dead._

Howthe hell could Commander goddamn Shepard be dead?

The rest of the report fell on deaf ears. Massani stared down at the drink in his hand. All he could think about was the last message that Shepard had sent to him about no one listening to her concerns. Hackett might not have sent her to die, but there was at least part of the blame to be laid at his doorstep. It was the batarian bastard's lucky day. The fucker would have to wait for another time to die. He had to find a terminal to send a message.

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Blood._

_How much blood do you fucking need on your hands until it's enough?_

_You should have listened to Shepard._

_Wise military leaders listen to the people on the front lines, and not to the politicians._

_Z._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**

***potential triggers, mention of suicide***

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Elysium.

It was not Zaeed Massani's favorite human colony. It was too clean. But he had a mission to carry out. He watched the crowds gather around the newly built memorial to Commander Shepard. Admiral Hackett was standing near the podium preparing to give a speech of dedication and remembrance for the fallen hero.

He spat on the ground in disgust, earning a glare from a nearby couple. He didn't give a flying fuck if the Council had ordered Shepard to hunt down the geth. There was more to the story than that. And Admiral bloody Hackett was at fault whether he gave the direct order or not.

Massani wanted nothing more than to put a bullet in the miserable bastard's brain but then he'd be a little too infamous for his own good. He'd opted for a slightly more subtle brand of revenge. A drunken Alliance veteran living on the streets had been easy to bribe. All the bounty hunter had to do was to wait patiently for the fireworks to begin.

It started about five minutes into the Admiral's carefully prepared words.

"Why don' you tell 'em how you order'd the commander to chase after an enemy that was gone?"

Hackett peered into the crowd trying to find the heckler. Several members of the admiral's personal guard started to mingle with the crowd.

"S'all your fault. Her bloods on your hands." The drunk didn't manage to get much else out before being dragged away by an Alliance officer.

Hackett watched with a frown on his face. He was turning back towards the rest of the crowd when he caught sight of the mercenary standing at the edge of those gathered. The Admiral's jaw clenched and his fists tightened around the edges of the podium. Zaeed offered him a mocking salute before casually walking away.

"The drunk was a nice touch, a little unexpected." Hackett stood just behind the bounty hunter who was sitting at the bar with a drink in his hand. "Was it really necessary to create such a commotion at Shepard's memorial? Didn't she deserve at least that from you?"

"She might. But you sure as hell didn't." Zaeed slammed his glass down, the contents splashed all over the bar. "You've got a bloody nerve."

"It might have escaped your notice, Massani, but Shepard was a Spectre. The council ordered her to investigate the missing ships." Hackett watched the mercenary warily.

"The bloody Admiral of the whole fucking navy can't use a bit of his new power to control the orders of one damn Alliance vessel." Zaeed surged to his feet.

"I'm one man. One fucking man. I couldn't do a damn thing to save her." Hackett stood his ground.

"I've heard that shit from you before, haven't I?" Zaeed's eyes narrowed angrily. "My little sister Alina, so young and innocent, never stood a chance with a handsome Alliance Officer on shore leave. You couldn't save her either. What can you save, _Admiral?_"

Hackett lost the little control he had over his temper. He caught Zaeed in the gut with an undercut. Massani was momentarily caught off-guard, and then he came up swinging. His punch struck the Admiral square on the jaw. The fight quickly devolved as most bar fights do, into a brawl on the floor. The two men were finally separated by several of the bar patrons who tossed them out into the street.

"Shepard was a goddamn Commander in the Alliance Navy. Her death isn't on my hands. And your precious sister wouldn't leave with me because she was waiting for _you." _Hackett spoke after catching his breath.

"You fuckin' abandoned her." Zaeed's hand rested on the pistol at his side.

"No, you abandoned her long before me. You can't blame her fragility on me," Hackett retorted.

Zaeed slammed his fist into Hackett's jaw for the second time, causing the Admiral to drop to the ground. Zaeed knelt beside him. "You killed them both. Maybe you didn't do it directly but your conscious can't be clean. Bastard."

"It isn't." Hackett whispered while he sat up to watch while Massani stormed away. He pulled himself up to his feet and wandered towards the Alliance offices on Elysium.

* * *

There were very long months that followed for the Admiral. Days with re-building the fleets, while his nights were spent thinking about the lost. It was two years almost to the day of the destruction of the _Normandy_ that he received a strange message.

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Information on Shepard._

_Retirement home._

_Intai'sei._

_Come alone._

_~A Friend._

* * *

Hackett knew that it was a bad idea, but he went anyway. He walked through the door and found Commander Shepard pacing nervously inside. He briefly wondered if it were a trick, then he saw the slight kink on the bridge of her nose.

"You're alive."

It was one simple phrase that didn't adequately express anything that he was feeling.

"You…you believe it's me?" Shepard glanced up at him with such surprise that he wondered how many others she had met so far.

Hackett rushed forward to wrap his arms around her. She stiffened at his touch, and then relaxed against him. He felt her tears start to dampen his shirt. He was silent while she tried to regain her composure.

"I can't believe my last words to you were fuck you." Shepard choked on a laugh that was more than half sob.

"They might have been deserved." He kissed the top of her head. "Welcome back to the land of the living."

"Are you sure it's me?" She looked up at him with more than a little self-doubt lingering in her eyes.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes and touched his fingers to the angry scars on her face. "I would know you anywhere, Shepard. Now take a seat, I want to tell you a story about a very young, very foolish young alliance officer and a very fragile young woman."

Shepard frowned at him but took a seat in one of the recliners in the living room. She tucked her legs up under her to get comfortable. Hackett paced the room while he began to speak.

"Many years ago, before I was an Admiral or had command of a ship, let alone a fleet or fleets, I met a beautiful nineteen year old girl at a pub in London. There was an instant connection. I was on shore-leave while the ship that I was assigned to underwent repairs. By the time that the repairs were done, I was hopeless in love in that all-encompassing way that only young people can. I wanted her to come away with me. She wanted me to leave the Alliance and stay in London with her. She was afraid that her brother wouldn't approve of an Alliance marine." Hackett glanced over at Shepard before continuing. "She was right about that."

Shepard smiled at him. "A mercenary not approving of the Alliance? Shocking."

"I came to her on the last day that I was there. Trying to change her mind, but she wouldn't leave with me. And I had to leave or risk being listed as a deserter. Her brother showed up as I was walking away, he saw her tears and assumed that I had dumped her. He ordered her back inside her apartment and then slammed the door. I never knew how fragile she was, if I had, maybe I would have done something different. She thought that we were going to kill each other over her." Hackett's fists were clenching and unclenching at his side. "There was a gunshot that day, but, it wasn't aimed at either of us. She'd taken his gun into the bathroom and used it on herself. He wouldn't let me see her or try to help."

Shepard was watching him intently. "It's really hard to picture you and Zaeed as young men."

"It was a long time ago. Massani never forgot, and he's blamed the whole thing on me." Hackett tried to shrug off the sad memories. "Does he know that you're back?"

"Not yet." Shepard's face went carefully blank.

"Really? How very interesting." Hackett's smile widened. "So what's with the scars?"

"I woke up before I was supposed to. My skin wasn't quite finished healing." Shepard reached a hand to cover part of her face. "I'm fucking Frankenstein's monster."

Hackett walked over to where she sat and crouched down so they were at eye level. He pulled her hand away from her face. His fingers gently traced along her jaw line.

"Nonsense, you're just as beautiful as you were the last time that I saw you." Hackett spoke before moving forward so his lips could follow the same path that his fingers had. "Beautiful, and alive."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

The dossiers from the Illusive Man were on the datapad in her hand. Shepard hadn't gotten past the first one on the list. An infamous mercenary and bounty hunter by the name of Zaeed fucking Massani, who was probably going to kill her the moment he discovered that she'd told Hackett that she was alive first. Omega was not high on her list of places to visit, but she had to go there to pick him up along with Mordin Solus and whoever the hell Archangel was. And she had no idea how Zaeed was going to react to her lack of being dead.

_Shit._

Since the engineers needed a FBA coupling to make their lives easier, it seemed like a perfect use of Jacob and Miranda's time. If looks could kill, Lawson would have been guilty of murder when Shepard sent her off to buy parts for the _Normandy._ _Bitch._ She hesitated outside the airlock for several minutes.

_He'd be happy to see her. Right?_

_Zaeed Massani is never happy._

_Fuck._

He hadn't changed a damn bit. The batarian that he was roughing up slid to the floor just as Shepard stepped up behind Zaeed. Shepard felt suddenly self-conscious about the angry red marks that still covered portions of her face. _ Fucking Frankestein._ Zaeed lifted his prisoner off the floor by the throat.

"Fuck are you looking at?" Zaeed grumbled without glancing her way. He was focused on the batarian.

"Zaeed."

The hand around the batarian's throat tightened. Zaeed knocked the poor bastard out, and then let him drop to the floor again. He turned slowly around. His face was carefully blank while he looked her over from head to toe.

"Where the fucking hell have you been?" Zaeed held a hand up to stop her from moving closer. "You died. You little bitch…"

Shepard started to back up but Zaeed was too fast for her. His hand wrapped around her throat, he spun her around and slammed her against the wall. _This was going brilliantly._

"Commander Shepard wouldn't fuck around with Cerberus. Who the fuck are you?" His hand tightened around _her_ throat this time and she was forced to stand on her tip toes. "Fucking clone? AI? What. Are. You."

Shepard slowly raised her hand to point at her nose. It was slightly crooked thanks to a right hook that meant for Massani. He was cutting off her ability to speak; she just hoped that he understood what she was trying to explain.

His fingers loosened just a little around her throat. His other hand came up and he ran a finger along her nose. He set her back on her feet and finally pulled his hand away from her. She bent over with her hands braced on her knees. It took a few deep gasps for air before she could breathe normally again. Zaeed leaned against the wall with an inscrutable look on his face. He waited patiently for her to recover. Finally, she stood up straight again.

"So, I'm not dead." She brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I was dead, but I got…better."

He just looked at her.

"Are you going to say something?" Shepard rested her hand on her pistol just in case. "Fine. The _Normandy_ is over there. You can have the starboard cargo area on the engineering deck, which is deck four. I'm going to find a salarian doctor."

She was walking past him when an iron grip clamped around her wrist. She didn't resist when he tugged her into him. He let go of her wrist only to wrap her tightly in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder.

"You aren't going into that plague infested area without me." His voice was gruffer than she remembered.

"Good to see you too, you fucking bastard." Shepard rubbed her neck, fucker probably left marks.

"We've got some unfinished business, Shepard." Zaeed released her and she stepped back. "Does _he_ know?"

"Officially?" Shepard couldn't quite meet his eyes. Now was _not_ the time to tell him that she'd already met with Hackett.

"He knows." The anger was back in his eyes. "And the fucker didn't tell me?"

"Right, because you two communicated so fucking well." Shepard shook her head in amusement. "So are you coming or not?"

"Deck four?" He glanced down at his forgotten bounty on the floor. "Where are your quarters?"

"See you, Massani." Shepard just grinned at him over her shoulder before headings towards the markets.

"What happened to your neck, Commander?" Lawson frowned at her when she found them outside Harrot's.

"Hanar hickie." Shepard grinned at the Cerberus operative who was clearly lacking a sense of humor. "Let's go get the damn doctor."

It wasn't until they reached the clinic that Shepard remembered Zaeed's remark about not going without him.

_Shit._

Once they were back on the ship with the chatty Mordin in tow, she had him update the medbay so that she could get rid of the damn scars. With that out-of-the-way, she made her way down to the engineering deck.

"Commander, Mr. Massani has disabled my monitoring devices in the starboard cargo bay." EDI broke the silence just before she stepped into the room.

"Of course, he did. Go away EDI." Shepard did not like AIs.

The moment EDI said she was logging out, Zaeed had Shepard backed up against a crate. His hand was resting on the crate next to her head.

"Forget something?" He practically growled into her ear while his other hand rested on her shoulder.

"I'm not really into asphyxiation as foreplay." Shepard remarked more calmly than she felt. "So hands off the neck."

"Sorry about that, sweetheart." Zaeed ran his fingers along the marks around her neck.

"He believed me immediately." Shepard closed her eyes the instant the words were out. Zaeed didn't need to know that she'd seen Hackett first. _Fuck._

"Did he now?" Zaeed leaned forward to rub his cheek against her neck. His voice was barely a whisper, a whisper tinged with malice. "Did he make you feel like this?"

"I…" Shepard felt like her brain was short-circuiting as Massani's tongue traced the lines along her neck before moving up to capture her lips with his own.

"How did Admiral Hackett know that you were alive?" Zaeed was back to murmuring in her ear.

It was Shepard's turn to remain silent.

"Maybe you need a little more convincing to answer the damn question." Zaeed lifted her up on a nearby crate; his hands pushed her legs apart so that he could lean into her. He kept one hand on her knee, gently caressing while the other slid up into her hair. He tilted her head back so he could continue kissing her neck. He finally whispered against her neck. "Planning on answering?"

Shepard licked her lips and tried to remember what the fuck he had asked. "Not really, no."

He raised his head to meet her eyes. "Shepard?"

"Oh fine, I sent him a message asking him to meet me on Intai'sei," Shepard sighed in annoyance.

Zaeed's hand gripped her leg tightly. The seductive edge to his voice faded a little. "You sent _him_ a message."

Shepard watched him back slowly away from her. He stepped back until he was resting against the wall across the room. "Would you have gone to check if I had sent you a note saying that I was alive?"

"Hell no."

Shepard just stared at him in silence.

"You still told him first."

Shepard glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. _Men. Honestly. _"I'm heading back down to Omega to pick up Archangel, whoever the fuck that is. If you want to join us, be at the airlock in fifteen."

"Bring the chatty salarian, I don't trust the Cerberus bastards," was the only response that she received from him.

She shrugged and headed for the elevator. _Why did men have to make things so bloody complicated?_ Shepard could hear her mother's answer in her head, _because they're men and that's what they do._ It made her laugh and reminded her that maybe she should let her mom know that she wasn't dead.

The doors opened and she started to step in when a hard nudge sent her into the back of the elevator. She spun around ready to seriously maim whatever impatient asshole had shoved her. She found herself pressed against wall with Zaeed's very hard body pressed against her. He reached back to slam the button for the first deck.

"We're going to have a little chat, you and I." His lips brushed hers with each word.

"Does this chat involve actual words?" Shepard gripped the railing behind her to keep from sliding to the floor. "You are a pushy bastard."

Zaeed pressed his leg between her legs. "I'm not Hackett, sweetheart, I don't need words."

Her head dropped back against the wall while his hand slid along her ribcage. "There's an AI on this ship that can see what we're doing. And there's a lunatic who has managed to piss off all the mercenary groups on Omega. Your jealousy over Hackett is not ranking super high on the list of things that I need to be worried about right now."

"I'm not fucking jealous."

Shepard tilted her head a little so he could see when she rolled her eyes at him. "As much as I'm enjoying being manhandled by you, I'm not giving Joker more of a show. And Joker, if this ends up on the extranet, I will break every bone in your body twice. Understood?"

"Yes, Commander."

Shepard glanced up to find that they had reached the top floor. She reached out and pressed the button for the second deck. "Time to go find Archangel."

"I'm not done talking." Zaeed reached for her but she evaded his grasp. His eyes narrowed but Shepard just laughed.

"Men."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: CelticGrace**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_Damn him._

Of all the messages that she hoped to receive from Hackett, the one about the _Normandy _crash site was not on her list. She'd been running away from thoughts about dying, during waking hours, at least. There was only so much running one could do when sleeping. They'd already found Archangel who turned out to be Garrus. They'd also picked up a crazy, baby Krogan called Grunt. _Lunatic._

Instead of heading for Purgatory, Shepard had Joker make for the Amada System. She headed down to the shuttle bay to get ready to fly down to Alchera to set the damn memorial and say goodbye. Massani was leaning against the shuttle when she stepped out of the elevator.

"Going somewhere without me?" His arms were crossed and he was blocking the shuttle door.

"Hackett wants me to set a memorial near the wreckage of the old _Normandy_." Shepard didn't have the emotional strength to deal with an argument. "I'm going alone."

"I'll fly the shuttle," Zaeed said.

"I'm going alone." Shepard tried to duck around him but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm going with you."

"Fine." Shepard rolled her eyes and followed him into the Kodiak.

* * *

Zaeed tracked Shepard's movements from inside the shuttle. He was starting to get worried. She'd been in the same spot for at least an hour. She'd disconnected her comm, so he couldn't ask her what the hell was going on. After another thirty minutes, his limited patience ran out.

It took no time at all for him to reach Shepard. She was kneeling on the ground. There was a severely damaged helmet in her hands. She was bent forward so that her head rested on top of the helmet. Even from a distance through a breather, he could see her shoulders shaking with sobs that were muffled.

_Goddamn it._

_Fucking Hackett._

"Shepard?" Zaeed dropped down on one knee to check on her.

He wasn't sure if she could hear him or not, but he couldn't afford to waste any more time. He wasn't going to do fucking charades. He lifted her off the ground and carried her back to the shuttle. Her hands were still tightly gripped around the helmet. Once they got into the shuttle, he set her down while he pulled off his helmet then removed hers as well.

"Talk to me, sweetheart." Zaeed pulled her gauntlets of and began rubbing her hands with his. He glanced down at the ruined N7 helmet beside her. It looked vaguely familiar.

"I found all the missing dogtags." She nodded towards the helmet. "Twenty dead souls, I should be among them."

"No, you fucking shouldn't." Zaeed was definitely going to shoot Hackett the next time that he saw him. "Let's get you back to the _Normandy_. I've got a bottle of whiskey that's feeling abandoned."

"Later, I thought we'd head to Zorya first." Shepard remarked after taking a moment to gather her thoughts.

* * *

Shepard stood over Zaeed who was pinned down by a giant beam. Her armor was half melted off, and there were first degree at least burns covering a good part of her left arm. She had a gun pointed at his head, though really, she could've just left him under the beam. The mission to Zorya had not gone _spectacularly. _Zaeed had raced off alone when she refused to leave the workers to die in the fire. Garrus had been the one to fight through the refinery with her.

"Garrus, go wait in the shuttle, and turn your fucking comm off." Shepard didn't bother turning to see if he followed the order. "Give me one damn reason that I shouldn't put a bullet between your eyes."

"You'd miss me."

"If you can't follow an order, what the fuck are you doing on my ship?" Shepard tried a different question.

"Trying to fuck you." Zaeed tried to push the metal off his leg. "Vido needed to die."

"Damn it, Zaeed." Shepard's finger hovered over the trigger. Finally, she put the gun away; she knew she'd never shoot him. She bent down to help him move the beam off his leg. She crouched down beside him to check his leg out. "I saved the workers, not that you give a shit. I almost got burned to death, not that it matters. Did you get to kill Vido?"

"Shepard." Zaeed reached out for her but she stood and started to walk towards the shuttle. He slowly got to his feet and started after her.

"No." Shepard stopped just before the shuttle. "I'm not interested in whatever it is that you have to say. I just hope that all this destruction and loss of life was worth the price."

"What price?" Zaeed grabbed her before she could step into the shuttle.

Shepard yanked her arm out of his hand. "Get your goddamn hands off of me."

Shepard stormed on the shuttle and heard him limping on it behind her. He took a seat across from her and kept his eyes firmly focused on hers. She glared right back at him. _Bastard._ Garrus tried to offer medi-gel to her and she just shoved him away. Zaeed's response to a similar offer was slightly more vocal but translated to basically the same thing. _Fuck off._

By the time that they got back to the _Normandy_, Shepard felt like her arm was going to melt. She headed straight for the MedBay. Chakwas took care of the burns on her arm while lecturing her about not using medi-gel in the field. The burns weren't as serious as she feared. The doc was able to clean them up and bandage her arm without a problem. It would be fully healed in a day or two. Shepard decided to take the opportunity to stop by the Citadel for a little shore-leave. She hid in her quarters to wait for the jump to the Widow system.

* * *

_From: Hackett _

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Zorya._

_I understand that there was a minor explosion at the refinery there._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: Zorya._

_I saved everyone that I could possible save._

_Stop bribing Joker for information._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: sources_

_Joker is not my source._

_I understand that you were injured. _

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Bloody Doctors._

_I'm fine; I just got a little sunburnt._

_I'm heading to the Citadel._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Drinks_

_Flux._

_1700._

_Hackett_

* * *

_Drinks._

She should have fucking known better than to think drinks with Hackett would be anything but a clusterfuck. But there she was, sitting across the table from the Admiral, sipping on some bizarre pink drink. No drink should be that shade. _Ever._

Hackett looked over her shoulder, but Shepard didn't think anything of it. He leaned across the table until he could reach her shirt. He tugged her up to meet him half way across the table. His lips were gentle at first, but not for long. Shepard looked into his eyes only to find that he was still looking to the left.

Then she heard the inevitable.

"Are you busy, _sweetheart_?" Zaeed gripped the top of the back of her chair.

Shepard's eyes narrowed at Hackett. She placed her hands on his chest and shoved him away. _Asshole._ She knew immediately from the look in his eyes, that Hackett had seen Zaeed. The kiss was just to piss Massani off.

"I will _not_ be used by you. Bastard." Shepard grabbed her drink and threw it in the Admiral's face. "I did your dirty work. I hunted through a graveyard of my nightmares at your fucking request. But I draw the goddamn line here. Fuck you."

Zaeed watched her leave and then turned back to Hackett who was still wiping liquid from his face. "You leave her alone, or we're gonna have a little chat."

* * *

Zaeed walked around the Citadel for an hour looking for Shepard. He finally gave up and headed back to the ship. He stepped into the starboard cargo area and found Shepard sitting cross-legged on top of a crate. She was halfway through a bottle of whiskey, and there were two other bottles on the floor. She'd gotten an N7 tank-top from somewhere and was wearing that with blue fatigues.

"I'm fucking tired of fucking yellow." She paused to take a swig from the bottle. "S'not the same."

"Yellow?"

"Kissing Hackett." Shepard took another sip.

Zaeed resisted the urge to break something but curiosity got the best of him. "Not the same as what?

"Kissing you." Shepard downed the rest of the bottle in one very long sip and tossed it at him. "Got any more?"

"You drank _all_ of my whiskey?" Zaeed grabbed the bottle before it hit the ground. "You're gonna regret that in the morning, sweetheart."

"It helps me think." Shepard tried to point at the bottles on the floor but fell of the crate instead. She sat on the floor glaring up at Zaeed. "What was I talking 'bout?"

"Kissing." Zaeed reached down to lift her up but she tugged him down to the floor instead.

"Oh, yea, kissing is nice." Shepard touched a finger to his lips. "Hackett's like…"

"Shepard." Zaeed briefly considered shooting himself.

"Don't you wanna know who the better kisser is?" Shepard grinned wickedly at him.

"Not without some whiskey." Zaeed tried to get up off the floor but she collapsed on the floor.

She turned on her back and looked up at him. "I'm going to need a demonstration."

"Oh?"

"Kissing isn't really a theoretical concept." Shepard winked at him and he started to wonder just how drunk she really was.

Zaeed stood then walked over to lift her up into his arms. "I'm not fucking you on the floor."

"Really? Cause you kinda seem the type." Shepard rested her head on his shoulder and reached up to trace his lips with her fingers.

"Not with you, sweetheart." Zaeed kissed the fingers lingering over his mouth. "Not with you."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**

**There were some liberties taken with the in game conversation with Alenko. lol**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Shepard was sitting in the mess with her head face first on the table. Her hand clutched around a cup of coffee. It was tragically empty.

"If you value your life, you will tip-toe back out of here." Shepard muttered when she heard footsteps coming towards her.

"Having trouble, sweetheart?" Zaeed's chuckle moved closer until she heard him take a seat next to her.

"You disappeared last night," Shepard grumbled.

"You fell into a drunken stupor." He pulled the empty cup from her hand.

"I'd give my damn ship for a blasted cup of coffee." Shepard's hand fumbled around blindly trying to find the cup.

"Joker said we're heading to the Iera System." Zaeed's voice seemed to be moving further way. She heard liquid pouring and assumed he'd found the pot of coffee. "I thought we were picking someone up at Purgatory."

"The Illusive Man believes the colony on Horizon is the Collector's next target." Shepard lifted her head slowly off the table.

Zaeed placed the now full cup of coffee in her hand. "So who's going planet side with us?"

"You really are a pushy bastard." Shepard sipped the coffee with a happy sigh. "But you make a damn good cup of coffee; I think I'm in love…with the coffee."

Zaeed just watched her over the rim of his coffee cup.

"Mordin's going down with us." Shepard slowly rolled her head from side to side trying to ease the pressure that had centered on the base of her neck. "I'm testing my theory that he can talk the enemy to death."

There was a short laugh from Massani before he set his cup down on the table and moved behind her. His hands rested on either side of her neck and he began to slowly massage the tension away. Shepard bit her lip to keep a stray moan from escaping. _Smooth bastard._ She yawned rather loudly then pushed his hands away.

"I'm seriously considering keeping you." She winked at him then headed for the elevator. "See you on the shuttle."

Horizon was disturbing with all the frozen colonists and swirling clouds of tiny drones. As they fought through the collectors, Shepard grew more and more concerned about Alenko. They hadn't run into him yet, alive or frozen. She hoped to hell that he wasn't already on the massive ship hovering above the colony.

They finally managed to destroy the last of the invaders that were on the planet and get the damn Gardian laser towers working. Once they started firing on the ship, the collectors took off and she could breathe a short sigh of relief. The fucking mechanic wasn't impressed but she had done her best. Alenko walked up behind the panicky colonist. Kaidan looked unharmed and rather unhappy to see her.

"So, you're not dead." Kaidan's voice held an edge that she'd never heard from him. He glanced behind her to the shuttle that had just arrived. "The rumors are true, you're with Cerberus. How much does loyalty sell for these days, Commander Shepard?"

Shepard opened her mouth to respond but snapped it shut instead. It wasn't worth the effort to try to convince Alenko of anything. She spun on her heel without another word and headed towards the shuttle.

She was stepping inside it when she heard the unmistakable sound of a fist connecting with flesh followed by a body hitting the ground. She glanced back to find Alenko flat on his back rubbing his jaw. Zaeed was standing over him with fire in his eyes.

"Show some bloody respect, boy." Massani kicked Alenko once in the ribs. "Commander Shepard bleeds fucking Alliance blue, and you can tell the goddamn bastard on Arcturus that as well."

"Foolish. Typical Alliance." Mordin shook his head at the man on the ground then followed Zaeed towards the shuttle. "Always jumping to conclusions, and closed-minded."

"Just get us the fuck out of here." Shepard sat in the far corner of the shuttle with her head buried in her hands.

"Shepard?" Zaeed settled into the seat next to her.

Shepard was too busy swallowing back tears to respond. _Damn Alenko._ Commanders do not cry in shuttles in their fucking armor. She was fairly certain that there was a rule about that somewhere in the regs. Her family was Alliance. The fucking Alliance was her family. Did her mom feel the same way as Kaidan? Was that why she hadn't heard anything from her yet? Stray tears escaped from her eyes and dripped between her fingers.

_Goddamn it._

There was a shift in the seat next to her as she felt Zaeed stand up. She felt strong hands grasp her hands and pull them away from her face. She blinked through her tears to find Zaeed crouched in front of her. He released her hands only to then cup her face in his hands. His thumbs brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"Is he _worth_ the tears, sweetheart?" Zaeed spoke softly to attempt to keep the conversation private.

"Am I a traitor?" Shepard closed her eyes to avoid his gaze.

"Look at me, sweetheart." Zaeed tapped a finger against her temple.

Shepard sighed but opened her eyes to meet his.

"That boy down there, he reeks of guilt. He jumped in an escape pod and you died." Zaeed's grip on her face kept her from turning away. "It's easier for the little piss-ant to call you a traitor, than to deal with his own conscience."

"But…"

Zaeed silenced her with a finger on the lips. "You're fucking Commander Shepard, there's nothing more bloody Alliance than that."

Shepard grinned and then slowly ran her tongue along the finger on her lips. "Careful, Massani, I'm beginning to think that there's more to your bastard exterior."

He left his finger where it was, so Shepard slowly sucked it into her mouth.

"Mmm, fascinating response to after battle adrenaline rush." Mordin's voice brought both of them back to reality.

With an annoyed glared at the salarian, Zaeed pulled his finger from her mouth and got back into the seat next to her. "Chatty fucking bastard."

"Shame, would've liked to observe more," Mordin remarked.

"Of course, you would," Shepard groaned.

"This isn't over, sweetheart." Zaeed whispered in her ear.

The Commander rested her head back against the seat and closed her eyes for the rest of the journey back to the _Normandy_. She couldn't sleep though because Zaeed's leg was pressed tightly against hers. She let her hand drop down to rest on top of his leg. A moment or two later, he covered it with his own hand.

"Get us the hell out of her, Joker." Shepard ordered the moment that she was on the ship. "Head to Purgatory, I'll be in my cabin."

"Tell Massani that he should've kicked Alenko twice." Joker called after her.

"Yea, yea." She grinned then ducking around the annoying Chambers; she headed up to her quarters.

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Horizon_

_I received Staff Commander Alenko's report regarding Horizon._

_I found the part about your current squad fascinating._

_Do you often hire mercenaries to work with you?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_Oh. Shit._

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: Horizon_

_Did Staff Commander Alenko's report also include the fact that he got his ass handed to him?_

_Did it also mention that he questioned my loyalties?_

_That he accused me of being a traitor._

_He should be fucking happy that I didn't shoot him._

_Shepard_

_PS: I didn't hire him._


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

**Fair warning, I'm taking some liberties with actual in-game events, I'm sure no one is surprised at that by now. lol**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Favor_

_A friend of mine has run into a bit of trouble with the Batarians._

_Can we meet?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: Favor_

_I'm going to be on Illium for several days._

_Batarian bastards._

_Shepard_

* * *

And that was why after collecting Thane and Samara, Shepard made reservations at one of the quieter restaurants on Illium. It gave her just enough time to help Miranda find her sister. Once that was done, she sent Miranda and Jacob back to the _Normandy_. She barely had enough time to get to the restaurant moments before Hackett got there.

_Damn._

She felt completely out-of-place in her slightly dinged up armor while Hackett was wearing his impeccable dress blues. No one should be allowed to look that damn sexy in a uniform. She was beyond screwed, though sadly not literally.

"Shepard," Hackett greeted before they took a seat in a private corner of the restaurant.

"I didn't have a chance to go back to the _Normandy_ to change." Shepard paused to order her drink, and then gave him a warning glance. "I don't want to talk about Horizon, Massani or fucking Alenko."

Hackett shook his head with a laugh. "Agreed."

"So…what's this favor that you need?" Shepard asked after the waitress brought their drinks.

The favor turned out to be rescuing Doctor Amanda Kenson before the batarians could torture any secrets or worse, kill her. And she'd need to go in alone to avoid detection, hopefully. _Zaeed was going to be apocalyptic when he found it._ Hackett was watching her carefully while she thought it over.

"I'll do it, but I have a condition." Shepard finally made her decision. "I'll need a ride to Aratoht. Once I'm on the planet, you can tell Joker where to rendezvous with me."

"It shouldn't be all that difficult to get you inside without being seen." Hackett seemed highly amused by her condition. "I've got a ship waiting at the dock."

_She was so fucking screwed._

She met his gaze for a moment, and then with a sigh, she finally nodded. His ship was thankfully at a different docking bay, and it didn't take long for them to be on their way to the Bahak System.

"Nice cabin." Shepard was wandering around Hackett's quarters. "There's no fish tank but it's very…you."

Hackett was reclining in a desk chair watching her pace. "Am I making you nervous?"

Shepard rolled her eyes at him in response.

"Then stop wearing a hole in my floor and take a seat." He pointed to the nearby couch.

Shepard collapsed on the couch with a sigh. This just felt wrong, being in his cabin, on his ship. Maybe it was not being on her ship, or maybe it had to do with missing the man on the engineering deck on her ship. And that was when she realized the truth.

_Shit._

She might be in lust with the man sitting across from her, but she was in love with another man, a man who was going to kill her when he realized she'd gone on a mission into batarian space...alone.

_Maybe the batarians would kill her first._

"You seem lost in thought." Hackett interrupted her inner contemplation.

She felt like she was looking at the Admiral with a completely different pair of eyes. "Thinking about the mission."

Her frowned at her like he sensed the lie but he finally just shrugged it off. Before he could say anything further, his XO let him know that they were close enough to Aratoht for a shuttle drop.

Approximately three days later, Shepard was sitting on the sick bay bed while the doc checked her injuries. Hackett stepped into the room a moment later. She hadn't seen or heard anything from Zaeed yet; she was hoping that the Admiral would be gone by the time Massani realized that she was back.

"How are you feeling?" Hackett asked once Chakwas moved away.

"Like I took on an entire station of indoctrinated Alliance scientists and soldiers, oh wait, I did." Shepard glared at him before tossing a datapad to him. "I've got a few gunshot wounds, some burns from a damn flamethrower and a concussion. Not to mention that I was barely able to stop the reaper invasion."

"The batarians will want blood for this." Hackett skimmed through the report. "The Alliance will want you back on Earth to answer their questions."

"After the collectors are stopped, I'll gladly answer any questions the Alliance has." Shepard took the datapad when he handed it back. "I did try to warn the batarians. It was just too damn late."

"You let her go in alone?" Zaeed burst into the MedBay. He completely ignored Chakwas who tried to stop him. "How _many_ women need to die? How _many_ fucking times does she need to die for you? Once wasn't enough for you?"

"Zaeed!" Shepard hopped down and started towards him, only to have her legs go out from under her.

"Easy there, sweetheart." Zaeed rushed forward to lift her back on the bed. He glared at Hackett over his shoulder before focusing his attention on Shepard.

Shepard touched her hand to the side of his face in a quick caress. "I'll be fine, just a few new scars."

"Commander Shepard, we weren't finished." Hackett cleared his throat loudly.

She turned to meet his gaze. He was pissed off. And with Zaeed's hands still resting on her waist, she couldn't really blame him. "Was there something else?"

He started to speak but something in her eyes stopped him. He just shook his head and then walked out of the Medical Bay without another word.

"What the _hell_ were you…"

Shepard covered Zaeed's mouth with her hand to stop him mid-rant. "I think I'm in…"

_Shit._

She couldn't do it. She could face an entire station of batarians alone, but voicing her feelings into an unknown response, it was too overwhelming. She bolted from the room. Bolt might have been too strong a word, she limped towards the elevator. He caught up with her easily and stepped into it with her.

"I think you were about to say something important." He leaned against the wall and watched her carefully.

Shepard was silent while the elevator reached the first deck. She was too focused on not collapsing in a heap on the floor again. She limped into her cabin and sunk carefully on the edge of the bed. Massani followed behind and sat beside her.

"Finish the sentence, sweetheart."

"I realized something on the way to rescue Kenson." She stared down at the floor.

"That it was a fucking bad idea to go in alone," he prompted when she fell silent.

She glared at him out of the corner of her eye. "I was trying to avoid batarian detection."

"Think they'll notice that you blew up a damn mass relay?" He chuckled.

"That is _not_ helpful," Shepard snorted.

"What were you going to say earlier?" Zaeed brought the conversation back around.

Shepard fell silent again.

"Answer the _goddamn_ question."

"You are such a pushy bastard," Shepard complained before lying back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. The pain meds weren't kicking in fast enough and everything hurt. "Have pity, my whole body fucking hurts right now."

"I won't ask again." Zaeed apparently didn't understand the concept of pity.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "I think that I have done something that I can't change and that will inevitable end with my heart breaking into tiny pieces."

"I don't do cryptic, sweetheart."

"I think I'm in love with you." She finally caved to his aggravating insistence.

There was a very long silence from the foot of the bed. Then she felt the bed shift. She gave into curiosity and opened her eyes. Zaeed was moving towards her on the bed. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes. It was exciting until she remembered the doc's warning.

"I'm not medically cleared for physical activity." Shepard sighed in annoyance.

"Hackett is getting shot in the ass the next bloody time that I see him." Zaeed collapsed on his back next to her with an annoyed sigh.

"I will give you all the credits that I ever earn if you do that." Shepard choked on her laughter. She glanced over at him. "Is that all you have to say? Seriously?"

"I'm not writing you goddamn sonnet." He rolled over on his side. He pushed up off the bed enough that he could place a searing kiss on her lips.

"I don't know that was pretty damn eloquent." She grinned up at him.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"What do you mean Shepard's not on the ship? Bloody machine." Zaeed resisted the urge to shoot the blue orb. _Bloody thing._

"Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian departed in the Kodiak with Doctor Liara T'Soni to attempt to infiltrate the Shadow Broker's ship," EDI answered.

"Patch me through to Shepard's comm."

"I am unable…"

"You can fucking do it, don't lie to me. I'll unplug every goddamn wire in your datacore." Zaeed interrupted.

"Patching you through now."

Zaeed headed back into the cargo bay while he listened to Shepard's conversation with the asari and turian. EDI had set up the link so that only Shepard would hear him. He'd give anything to be able to see what the hell was happening.

"I am really getting tired of electrical surges," Shepard muttered quietly enough that he figured she was talking to herself.

"Is that so, sweetheart?" Zaeed could hear gunfire in the background.

"What the _fuck?" _The gunfire went silent for a moment. She continued speaking in a low voice. "Zaeed? Great, it's happened. I'm finally losing my goddamn mind."

"EDI patched me into your comm. What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Zaeed explained.

"Trying to stay alive, and not turn into a human electricity rod." The gunfire started up again. He could hear Vakarian talking to the Commander, and then Zaeed chuckled when she responded with, "No, I'm not fucking talking to myself. Just shoot something, goddamn it."

"Having problems, are we?" Zaeed asked when there was a moment of silence.

"We are going to have a very long chat when I get back to the _Normandy_ about distractions during missions." Shepard groaned before yelling louder. "Damn it, T'soni. I thought you said that damn bypass program was supposed to work. I'm running out of ammunition here."

"It didn't come with a warranty." That was the asari scientist.

"Make it go faster." Shepard's voice was drowned out a little by what sounded like a rocket blast. "Fuck me."

"You ok, sweetheart?" Zaeed was beginning to regret the comm link. It was aggravating not being able to see what was happening.

"I've come to an understanding with rocket drones. They shoot at me; I blow them the fuck up." She sounded like she was in pain.

"Who _are_ you talking to?" Garrus' voice sounded closer than it hand been.

"Massani."

Zaeed could only listen while the bypass that they had been waiting on finally finished. Shepard appeared to be fighting her way through the interior of the base. It took what felt like forever, but then she was finally about to take out the Shadowbroker.

* * *

"EDI?" Shepard wasn't sure what was on the other side of that last door, but if it was bad, she didn't want a certain aggravating ass eavesdropping on it.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Disconnect the comm link with Zaeed, " Shepard ordered.

"Yes, Commander."

The link dropped before she could hear any argument from him. _Thank the gods for small blessings._ He was going to kill her if she got back to the _Normandy._ Defeating the Shadowbroker wasn't as easy as she hoped it would be, but she spent several hours killing time reading through the dossiers that he had gathered. Maybe Zaeed would calm down before she got back to the ship.

_Fat chance._

She was just about ready to leave when she spotted the folder on Admiral Hackett, and the message that he had sent to a Major Antella. _Request denied._ She didn't know what the Admiral wanted, but she was fairly confident that she couldn't give it to him. She sighed. _Damn._ It was time to head back to the _Normandy._ Liara was going to come later for a drink. She stepped off the elevator on the first deck to find Massani already leaning against the door to her cabin.

She kept going into her cabin, shedding the armor that was still covered in dust, she stripped down until she was in shorts and tank-top. She slid down into the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table. He followed with his jaw clenched so tight that the muscles were practically vibrating. She was too exhausted for this shit.

"You are not going to commit suicide by Omega." Shepard suddenly remembered something else that she'd seen in the Shadow Broker's dossiers.

"How the bloody hell…"

"Shadow Broker had some very interesting files." Shepard closed her eyes and yawned. "Fucking lightning. That shit hurts."

"You were supposed to be recovering from injuries that you got rushing in alone." Zaeed glared down at her.

"I didn't rush in alone this time. I took back up." Shepard pointed out. She opened her eyes when she felt him step over her. He lifted her up and carried her over to the bed. "I've got a visitor coming shortly."

"Oh?"

"Dr. T'soni."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Liara stepped into the room holding what looked like a picture frame in her hands. Shepard pushed Zaeed out-of-the-way and went over to greet her. Liara acknowledged Zaeed with a cautious wave before handing the frame to Shepard.

"Your tags. Admiral Hackett asked me to pass them on to you. He thought you might want to have them back." Liara stepped further into the room.

"Thanks." Shepard stared down at the damaged tags. Her fingers brushed over them. She was reminded of the message that she'd seen. _Damn it._ _Why did life have to be so bloody complicated?_ She set the frame down on her desk. She glanced up to find Zaeed watching her closely. She focused her attention on Liara instead.

It wasn't until much later when she was alone, sitting at her desk, that she turned her attention back to the tags. He'd kept them. She looked at the frame and it dawned on her that he'd kept them close to him. She couldn't thank him for telling the Major to shove it, not without revealing that she'd had access to at least one of his personal messages. But the tags were a different story.

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Tags_

_Thank you for keeping them safe._

_And for returning them._

_Shepard_

* * *

"Commander, Mr. Massani is requesting permission to enter." EDI broke into her thoughts.

"Let him in, EDI. You don't have to ask. He can come in when he wants." Shepard typed a quick postscript to the email, and then stepped away from the terminal.

* * *

_PS: We're heading to the Citadel._

* * *

"Yes, Commander. Logging you out."

"Joker says that we're heading for the Citadel again." Zaeed glanced from her to the tags just behind her.

Shepard headed back to the couch. She didn't want him thinking too much about Hackett. "We're actually heading for Bekenstein first. Kasumi wants me to help her with a heist."

"Wants you to help?" Zaeed took a seat on the coffee table so that they were facing each other.

"Yes, she wants us to go alone. It'll look a lot less suspicious," Shepard reasoned.

"I'm going with you."

"As what?" Shepard rolled her eyes. "We've got an invite for the two of us. You'd be a little hard to sneak in. I don't think you'd fit under my dress."

"Oh, I don't know about that, sweetheart." He smirked at her.

"That is not even remotely helpful." She groaned but didn't fight when his hands gripped her by the waist and lifted her over on his lap. She straddled him, her knees resting precariously on the edge of the coffee table. "And you can't keep threatening EDI connecting you to my comm."

Zaeed's hands held her firmly in place. "You gonna stop me?"

"It's distracting," Shepard complained. She didn't bother to mention how very pleasantly distracting it was.

"Commander?"

"Yes, EDI?" Shepard dropped her head down on Zaeed's shoulder with a sigh.

"Ms. Goto is waiting for you in the shuttle bay." EDI informed her.

"Be right there." Shepard muttered into his shirt. Zaeed's hands slid from her waist around her back. "I have to get dressed."

"I can help." His arms tightened around her.

"I'm sure. Go throw knives or something. I'll see you when I get back." Shepard used her arms for leverage to slide out of his grasp. She headed into her bathroom. By the time that she came back out, he was gone. She brushed aside the slight suspicion that clouded her mind. Kasumi was waiting for her.

An hour later, while Kasumi tried to figure out the easiest way to get Hock's DNA, Shepard found herself mingling among some of the worst criminals in the galaxy. The dress was a pain, as where the heels. They were completely useless. She rounded a corner and found herself in a small, private art gallery. There were dark shadows that she monitored carefully while checking out the different paintings. She heard footsteps behind her.

"Are you lost, sweetheart?"

"What the _fuck _are you doing? She didn't bother turning around. She'd know that voice anywhere.

"Didn't I tell you? Donovan Hock and I go way back. I've had an invitation to this party for months." Zaeed draped an arm around her waist.

She pushed him away. "That was not what I meant, and you know it."

"I'm not letting you go into a mission alone, again." His eyes narrowed.

"Let me?" Shepard jabbed her finger into his chest. "I'm the fucking Commander of the ship. You don't get to fucking tell me what I can or can't do."

He just crossed his arms and glared at her. "I'm coming with you."

"Like hell you are." Shepard spun on her heels and disappeared into the crowd. Kasumi had already gotten the DNA that was needed. She met the thief at the vault. They suited up and headed down into the secret room.

_Zaeed is going to kill me._

It was the first thing that she thought when she saw Donovan Hock's gunship. _Who the hell owns a personal fighter?_ That was her second thought.

"Take the goddamn shields down." She yelled at Kasumi.

Once the shields were down, Shepard launched herself across the landing pad. She pulled out her rocket launcher and used the series of crates to climb up high enough to get a lock on Hock. She unloaded the entire stock of ammo that she had on her. The last one did it, though not soon enough. She dived just in time to dodge the missile that Donovan managed to fire before he exploded.

The explosion missed her but the falling debris buried her almost entirely. _Well, fuck._ Zaeed was definitely going to kill her. She tried to shove the crate chunks off her body but her arms were pinned to her side. She tapped her fingers at her side in annoyance. There was a sound then the rubble started to move. She coughed when dust rained down on her face. Light finally appeared above her.

Zaeed's face appeared in the hole. He looked pissed.

"I know, I know. You're going to kill me." Shepard closed her eyes to keep dust from getting in them. By the time that she opened them again, the debris was gone and Zaeed was carrying her quickly to the shuttle. Shepard wiggled her fingers at him. "Look, everything moves."

He didn't say a word until he was sitting in the shuttle with Shepard held tightly in his arms. "You goddamn lunatic."

"It worked," Shepard shrugged.

Zaeed cursed under his breath for a few moments.

"I love you too." Shepard couldn't hold back the laughter any longer.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: tags._

_Can we meet?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Why?_

_Seriously._

_Why?_

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Why?_

_Please._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Why?_

_Fine._

_Where?_

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Why?_

_Thanks._

_Tiberius Tower._

_Anderson's apartment._

_1800._

_Hackett_

* * *

The real question was how the hell she was going to avoid Massani. Then she had a brilliantly awful idea.

"Edi?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Is it possible for you to seal one of the cargo holds?" Shepard paced in front of the fish tank.

"Yes."

_This was the worst idea that she could remember having._

"I'm heading to the Citadel. Seal the port cargo for two hours." Shepard pulled her armor on. She could help Thane find his son before meeting with Hackett.

"Mr. Massani is still in the cargo bay, Commander."

"Do it anyway, EDI." Shepard stepped out of her quarters into the elevator. Thane would meet her on the Citadel.

It took an hour to resolve matters with Kolyat and C-Sec. Shepard hopped in a skycab to head over to Anderson's apartment. The councilor was nowhere to be seen when Hackett greeted her at the door. She refused the drink that he offered. This was apparently _not_ the official meeting that she had assumed.

"What's all this about?" Shepard was starting to get the feeling that she'd just signed her death warrant. Zaeed was going to be furious.

"Have a seat, Shepard." Hackett patted the empty space on the couch where he was sitting.

"Why am I here, Admiral?" Shepard's eyes narrowed and she stayed where she was.

Hackett gave her a curious glance." You haven't even given me a chance, and I've already lost."

_Men._

"The next fucking time you asked to meet me, you should really clarify that it's for personal reasons." Shepard felt her temper starting to rise. "This was a bloody fool's errand. I'm sorry, but I just can't be what you want me to be."

He didn't try to stop her when she headed for the door. She messaged EDI over the comm to have Zaeed and Garrus met her on the Citadel. They might as well deal with Sidonis now, if Massani didn't kill her first.

_Shit._

The skycab pulled up on the landing pad outside the docking bay. Shepard stepped out only to be forcibly shoved into the passenger seat. She pulled herself upright only to find Zaeed in the driver's seat.

"Do I want to know where we're going?" Shepard watched the scenery rush by. She turned to look at him when he didn't answer. "Zaeed?"

The vehicle dropped down into the lower awards. He finally parked it on a landing bpad outside an apartment block. She followed him out of the car and into the building. He punched a code into the security panel of a door on the third floor.

She'd barely made it over the threshold when he shoved her against the wall. His hands gripped her arms so tightly that even through her armor it hurt.

"You _locked_ me in the cargo bay." Zaeed's hold tightened further. "You fucking…what the bloody hell were you thinking?"

Shepard started to make a flip comment but stopped herself. "Sorry?"

He let go of her so suddenly that she slid to the floor. She watched him storm across the room. She briefly considered getting up, but leaned her head back against the wall. She wasn't sure that she could talk herself out if it this time.

"What did _Hackett_ want this time? Hmm?" He asked with his back still turned.

"Nothing, apparently," Shepard sighed. "I thought it was important, that Anderson would be there as well. It turned out to be nothing more than his attempt to…I don't even know what the hell it was. Maybe he just wanted to see if he still had a shot with me."

"And?"

Shepard rolled her eyes in response, and then realized that he couldn't see it. "I wasn't interested in what he had to offer."

Sitting on the floor in armor is never comfortable, so she used the wall for leverage to get to her feet.

"Zaeed?" She was starting to worry that she'd fucked up a little more seriously than anticipated. "I guess I'll just head back to the _Normandy_. See you there?"

The door was locked. She frowned at it, and then glanced over her shoulder at Zaeed. Her options were limited. She unbuckled her gauntlets and chest plate tossing them aside, leaving her in a tank-top and greaves. She hopped over the back of the couch and slouched down to wait him out. The silence was making her feel incredibly antsy.

"Why?"

It took a moment for her to realize that he'd turned around to ask.

"Why what?" She looked up at him in confusion.

"The fucking door, Shepard, why have EDI seal me in?" Zaeed moved over until he was looming over her.

"It seemed like the path of least resistance at the time," Shepard shrugged.

"The path…"Zaeed reached down to yank her off the couch. "You fucking died once already. All I can bloody think about when you disappear is that you might not come back."

Shepard tried to reach out to him, but he was holding her still. "Would it be better if you were naked?"

"_Shepard._"

She grinned up at him innocently. "How about if I was naked?"

"Do you really think I'm that easy?" He glared at her.

"Oh yea."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

There was something tickling the end of Zaeed's nose. It took a moment to register the sensation. His hand brushed it away before he rolled over on his side to try to get back to sleep. He was just dozing off again when something soft brushed along the edge of his ear. He grumbled in annoyance and then he caught the faint sound of muffled laughter.

_Son-of-a…_

He reached out to grab the hand teasing his ear only to find nothing but air. He opened his eyes to find Shepard sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed just out of reach. She was glancing innocently down at the data-pad in her hands.

"There are better ways to wake me up, sweetheart." Zaeed shifted enough to be able to reach her.

Shepard peeked over the top of the data-pad, her face the picture of innocence. "I'm just sitting her reading the report on the disabled Collector vessel. We should be there in about twenty minutes."

He wrapped his hand around her wrist and yanked her up into his arms. "Who's going with us?"

"Us?" She rolled her eyes at him. "Either Tali or Garrus, if I have to listen to Lawson bitch at me one more time; I might shoot her in the head. Now let me go, I need to check my messages."

He pulled her in for a kiss but then let her go. He watched her wander over to her private terminal, she stop to grab her armor while she went. It was beyond tempting to drag her back to the bed and rip it all off again. He watched her face from amused to enraged while she skimmed through the messages.

"Shepard?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice. "I'll see you on the CIC. The Illusive Man wants to give me an updated."

It was the way that she bolted from the room that caused him the most concern. He got dressed then headed over to Shepard's terminal. It was still on with the last message pulled up.

* * *

_From: Mom_

_To: Jane_

_Subj: Cerberus?_

_Admiral Hackett just told me that you're currently on a Cerberus vessel._

_I think I understand why._

_What I don't understand is your intimate relationship with a known mercenary? _

_Your father would be so disappointed._

_I'm disappointed._

_Mom_

* * *

_That goddamn son-of-a-bitch._

Dressing quickly, he headed down to find Shepard. They were already docking with the disabled vessel when he found her on the bridge. She wouldn't meet his eyes. Vakarian joined them a moment later and they headed down to investigate the ship.

_Fucking Cerberus._

_Traitorous bastards._

The damned disabled ship had been a trap. And the goddamn Illusive Man had known all about it. Zaeed leaned against the doorway to the briefing room to listen to the Commander ripping the Cerberus leader a new one. She barely noticed him when she stormed past a moment later. He followed her into the elevator a moment later.

"Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?" He asked while she tapped her foot on the ground.

Shepard strode out of the elevator and straight towards the terminal in her quarters without speaking a worried. There was a massive amount of tension in her shoulders so he stepped behind her to help massage it away. It also gave him a great view of the messages that she was sending.

* * *

_From: Commander J. Shepard_

_To: Captain H. Shepard_

_Subj: re: disappointment._

_I'm certain that Admiral Hacket's intentions were entirely altruistic._

_I would like to point out that I am in command of this ship, there for it's not a Cerberus vessel._

_Zaeed Massani may be an infamous bounty hunter._

_But he's a good man. And he's not a fucking coward._

_You can tell Hackett that he's a coward._

_I'm sorry you're disappointed. But I know dad, and he wouldn't be._

_Shepard_

* * *

"Good?" Zaeed chucked when she turned around to face him.

Her lips curved up in the little smirk that always seemed to drive him crazy. "You look good naked."

He pushed her back against the desk. "Is that so, sweetheart?"

"Commander," EDI interrupted before Shepard could respond. "There is an emergency request from Project Overlord on Aite. A VI has gone rogue."

"Tell Joker to get us to Aite, now." The humor was almost entirely gone from Shepard's eyes when she looked back at him. "Are you up for another mission? Or do you need a nap?"

Zaeed brushed his thumb along her bottom lip. "I've only got one reason to go near that bed, Shepard."

Her teeth captured his thumb and she bit down a little before letting it go. She tried to head for the door, but he was still holding her against the desk. He lifted her up on it then pushed her legs apart so he could step between them.

"Zaeed."

It was his turn to use his teeth though, and he captured her bottom lip easily. He tugged on it a little, then slid his tongue along them.

"Massani," her voice was a little shaky this time.

He was going to kiss her until she couldn't talk. "Shhh, sweetheart, I've got plenty of time to show you what kind of man that I am."

* * *

_What a goddamn clusterfuck._

Zaeed slammed his fists into the sealed door. They were at the last of the stations on Aite. _Bloody Atlas station._ Shepard had activated the panel and then fucking disappeared out the door. He pulled out his rifle and fired at the door with no results. Garrus looked just as concerned.

The doors finally opened an hour or so later and they raced along the corridors trying to find the Commander. They rounded the corner into the VI hub and found her holding a pistol to Doctor Gavin Archer's head. Zaeed noticed the young man strung up like…he couldn't think of any way to describe it. _Fucking Cerberus._

"You come near him ever again, and this goddamn bullet will be waiting for you." Shepard slammed the butt of her pistol into Archer's head. She turned her attention to the doctor's brother. "I'm going to take you some place safe. I promise."

Zaeed helped her slowly remove all the wires while Garrus kept his gun trained on the Cerberus scientist. He lifted the young man into his arms and carried him back to the Hammerhead. Archer could find his own damn way off the planet. Shepard ordered Joker to head to the Citadel. Doctor Chakwas took control of David to make sure that he was stable, so Zaeed followed Shepard up to her quarters.

"Sit over there." She pointed towards the couch. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Please."

He sighed but gave in to the request. She stepped in front of her terminal and ordered EDI to contact Adimral Hackett at Arcturus. He started to get out of his seat but Shepard gave him a look.

"Shepard?" Hackett sounded surprised to see her when his holographic image finally appeared.

"I need you to send a ship to rendezvous with the _Normandy._ Preferably one with a team of doctors, I'll send you a detailed report. But I've got a traumatized, injured young autistic man who is desperately in need of help. I was going to take him directly to Grissom Academy, but I don't think a Cerberus Vessel would be welcome," Shepard explained. "The Illusive Man won't be thrilled, but I don't give a damn."

"They'll be there within the hour. He'll be taken care of," Hackett promised.

"And Admiral?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever talk to my mother again about my personal life, I swear to god, I'll tell her why you are so goddamn interested. Then _you_ can deal with her. That was bullshit, and you know it." Shepard warned. Zaeed had wondered when she was going to get to that part. He laughed, and then laughed louder when she glared at him.

"Understood, Commander. Hackett out."

"He's not going to give up." Zaeed propped his legs up on the coffee table.

"Are you worried?" Shepard looked up at him from the message that she was reading.

"Should I be?"

Shepard just grinned and disappeared into the bathroom. A few moments later, he heard the shower starting to run.

_Bloody woman._


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:**

**It's a short chapter, but...it didn't go with what I have for Chapter 17 lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"I'll be fine," were words that clearly should never be uttered before heading to Omega. That was what she had promised Zaeed when she convinced him to let her head down to find Samara's daughter with just the Justicar for back-up. She was so fucked. It was all Shepard had time to think when she realized the drink that she'd taken a swig of was laced with poison. She hit the floor with a thud just before everything went dark.

"Can you hear me, sweetheart?"

"You're going to yell. There's always yelling involved." Shepard's eyes fluttered for a moment before finally opening. She was looking up into Zaeed's face. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"I needed parts for my rifle."

"They sell parts in the bar?" She closed her eyes for a moment then tried to stand up. A firm hand on her shoulder kept her down.

"I was thirsty." It was his hand keeping her still.

"Convenient." She gave him a suspicious look.

"Don't look at me like that, sweetheart. I'm not the one who drank the bloody poison." He glared back at her.

"That batarian bastard tried to poison me. I'll kill him." Shepard suddenly remembered why the hell she was on the floor.

"I shot him in the eye." Zaeed was checking her over carefully.

"Which one?" She grinned up at him.

"All of them." He was apparently satisfied with whatever he saw because he helped her to her feet. He was stepping back when he noticed the bandage on the side of her neck. "What the hell happened there?"

She just shrugged, and followed Samara back into the bar. The rest of the trip to Omega went without a hitch. Samara was able to take down her daughter. Shepard finished a couple small errands for Aria. And they were almost down with all the damn missions. They just had to stop on Tuchanka before getting the Reaper IFF.

* * *

Zaeed had been swapping stories with Garrus when he realized that he hadn't seen Shepard in a few hours. HE finally found her on the bridge with Joker. She was slouched in one of the co-pilot seats talking about the original crew of the first _Normandy_. He started to back away when he heard his name.

"So, you and Massani?" Joker asked the Commander.

"Me and Massani what?" Shepard's voice slurred a little. Zaeed glanced down and noticed an empty bottle by her chair.

"I always thought you and Hackett had something," Joker spoke after a moment.

"So did he. He's too admirally for me." Shepard reached down for the empty bottle. "Fucking alcohol's gone again. Where's Wrex when you need him? He's always got the good shit."

"We are headed to Tuchanka; maybe he'll let you have some of his ryncol." Joker laughed. "So why Massani?"

Shepard sat up in the chair, the empty bottle still dangling from her hand. "I'm done 'xplaining my choices to you people. My mom. You. Fucking Anderson. I…and he…I need more tequila."

"I'm sure that will solve everything." Joker glanced down at his instrument panel. "Better go sleep that off, we'll be in the Aralakh System soon."

"Fly slower," Shepard muttered. She got to her feet and stumbled into Zaeed's arms. She held up the empty bottle with a frown. "It's all gone."

Zaeed chuckled, and then wrapped his arm around her waist to help her towards the elevator. "C'mon, sweetheart, I think coffee might be a better idea."

* * *

Shepard slept for a few hours, drank a gallon of strong coffee before she finally started to feel somewhat sober again. "Zaeed?"

He looked up from where he was cleaning his rifle. "Hmm?"

"Nothing." She collapsed back on the bed with a sigh.

Zaeed put the rifle back together, set it carefully on the table and walked over to the bed. Shepard watched him sit on the edge of the bed beside her. He brushed his hand through her hair. He gave her an inquisitive look.

Shepard covered her face with her arm. She muttered something under her breath that was muffled further by her arm.

"Was that even English?" Zaeed reached out to lift the arm from her face.

She closed her eyes to avoid him. "I got a tattoo on Omega."

Zaeed was very quiet. She opened her eyes to find him staring pointedly at the bandage covering her neck. "What tattoo?"

Shepard started to cover her face again but he caught her arm and pushed it back down. He gave her a pointed look that clearly indicated, _stay_. His hand reached out to slowly remove the dressing. She found it impossible to watch his face while he took in the tattoo.

"That's…" His voice trailed off as he leaned in for a closer look. It was a combination of two crests, the Alliance emblem and an exact replica of Blue Suns insignia that was on Zaeed's neck. "Beautiful."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

Joker had been right. Wrex always kept a good stock of ryncol on hand. The Krogan insisted on celebrating their triumph over the thresher maw on foot. Since they'd taken care of both Mordin and Grunt's problems, Shepard couldn't think of a reason to refuse to indulge.

When she was puking her guts out six hours later on the _Normandy_, she found that there was one very good reason to refuse. She was trying to remember how Zaeed had once described ryncol to her, but her brain wasn't cooperating. Her head rested on the cold bathroom floor.

"Shepard?"

"Go away." Shepard muttered from the floor.

"Joker thought you'd want to know that we're almost at Thorne System." Zaeed stepped into the bathroom.

"Go. _Away_." Shepard shifted on her back and glared up at him.

"Didn't I warn you about ryncol?" Zaeed squatted down next to her.

"If I didn't like Wrex so much, I might shoot him in the quad." Shepard chose to ignore the '_I told you so' _"Help me up, Massani."

"Don't give me that look, I told you…" Zaeed stopped mid-sentence when her hand covered his mouth.

"I'm going to shower so I no longer smell like…Wrex…and varren." Shepard pulled her hand away from his mouth. "And no, I don't need any help from you."

Zaeed gave a low chuckle before getting up from the floor and pulling Shepard with him. He reached for her but she just pushed him out of the bathroom. Hopefully, a hot shower would clear away the last of her hang-over.

_No more drinking games with Wrex, the fucker always cheats._

The Reaper IFF was just as much of a pain in the ass to obtain as she thought it would be. They also managed to pick up a stray, talking geth. It was a great cosmic joke, she was convinced of it. Legion was an great name for the creepy thing. He turned out to be handy though, he provided an easy way for them to deal with the remaining reaper controlled geth.

_Heretics._

It was like a badly written space drama. It was a good thing that she didn't have to write reports for the Alliance about all this shit. She could just imagine the look on Hackett's face. She sighed to herself. _Hackett._ She massaged her temples for a while pondering of how to deal with the Admiral. Zaeed was right; the man wasn't just going to give up. And she couldn't deny the attraction. But he wasn't Massani.

* * *

And then the collectors invaded her ship and stole her crew.

_Priorities._

That's what she was telling herself when Zaeed stepped into her quarters to wait out the jump to the Omega-4 Relay. She was sitting on the edge of her bed tapping her feet incessantly. He sat next to her on the bed, resting his hand on her knee to stop the movement.

"There are better ways to release pent-up energy before a battle, sweetheart." Zaeed turned towards her a little. He moved his hand from her knee to push her gently back on the bed. "Let me show you."

Shepard surrendered to his hands and mouth. She didn't come back up for air until Joker's voice let her know that they were just about to hit the relay. Zaeed was holding her tightly in his arms. She didn't want to say her goodbyes or _I love yous_, which seemed like asking for trouble. So she left without a word, they could say their goodbyes on the battle field.

_She was a complete fucking idiot._

Running from the collectors while the massive station slowly self-destructed around them, the little tiny collector bees were impossible to shoot. She was barely managing to stay ahead of them. Zaeed and Thane were already leaping into the ship when she finally started the finally ascent up to the waiting _Normandy_. Then a giant piece of the ceiling took out the last platform.

_Fuck this shit._

She said a hail mary and took a flying leap from the edge of the platform. _It wasn't going to be enough_. The minute her feet left the ground, she knew that she didn't have enough in her to make it to the ship. She hit the side of it and grabbed wildly at the edge with her hands. Her hands started to slip when all of a sudden, Zaeed was there.

"I am not ready to let you go, sweetheart." He grabbed the back of her armor and yanked her inside. They fell in a heap on the floor.

"Get us the hell out of here, Joker." Shepard yelled. She tried to stand, but Zaeed was holding her tightly in his arms. "Thanks, Zaeed."

"Like I was going to leave you behind? Bloody woman." He muttered against her neck.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:**

**This…and the rest of the story…will be a little AU in a few ways, nothing major. But…I'm not sticking strictly to actual in game events.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Surprise, two chapters in one day! Enjoy. I have no idea what's coming next LOL.**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"Zaeed?" Shepard stepped into the CIC to find him leaning against the railing. She'd already managed to convince everyone else to leave. Massani was not going to be that simple. She couldn't risk flying to Earth with him on the ship. Hackett would freak the fuck out. It would be bad, and it was already going to be…bad.

_She needed to expand her vocabulary._

"I'm not going." He glared at her.

"Fine. That wasn't what I was going to ask anyway." She had a sudden idea.

He raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. "So what did you want?"

"Do you still have access to that apartment on the Citadel?" She grinned mischievously at him.

"I do."

She sauntered over to him and slid her arm around his. He still looked suspicious, but he let her lead him towards the airlock. "I thought maybe before we head to Earth, we could…have a little alone time without EDI watching."

Zaeed chuckled the whole way into the airlock. He stepped out of the airlock but Shepard didn't follow him. She let go of his arm and stepped back. She whispered an apology, and then ducked back inside the airlock, yelling for EDI to lock it down. She could hear him slam his fist on the door. She covered her mouth with her hand.

"Joker, get us the hell out of here. Head for Earth." Shepard ordered once was back on the _Normandy._

"Are you…"

"I don't want to talk about it." Shepard collapsed into the co-pilot seat with a groan. "He's never going to forgive me for this."

Joker gave her a sympathetic look before focusing his attention on heading to Earth. The short hop to the SOL system gave the Commander too much time to think about what she had done. She checked her messages, but Zaeed hadn't sent her a thing. She hadn't expected anything though. When she arrived in Vancouver, she was glad that she'd tricked him. Hackett, Anderson and small contingent of marines were waiting for her outside the dock.

_Shit._

One of the marines stepped up to her. He was…impressive. _Fucking hot._ She was finding it hard remembering anything, even her name. Jail was starting to look up.

"Commander Shepard, you seem to be missing a crew." Hackett seemed amused until he noticed her attention was still on Lieutenant Vega or James as he'd muttered to her when he came over with the cuffs. "Are we boring you, Commander?"

"Is this going to be a problem?" Anderson looked at Shepard, who was occupied with checking out Vega while he cuffed her, and then he glanced over at Hackett who was hyper-focused on the Lieutenant.

"Not for me." Shepard grinned at him. "It's like a buffet of manliness."

Anderson ran his hand across his forehead. "That is not helpful. How'd you get rid of Massani?"

The grin slowly drained from the Commander's face. "I tricked him into leaving the _Normandy. _And I don't want to fucking talk about it._"_

And she didn't talk about it. Six months is a long time to sit in the brig. There were no messages from anyone for her. Hackett hadn't even bothered to try to contact her. Not since the one time that he'd tried to get her to have dinner with him. She'd shut him down, and that had been that. Vega was an adorable distraction but he wasn't Zaeed. She wanted him. She just hoped to hell that tricking him off the ship hadn't ruined their relationship forever.

* * *

Just when she thought that her mind was going to snap from boredom, the goddamn Reapers invaded and the Alliance wasn't ready. They never bothered to listen to her warnings, and now that it was too late, they wanted solutions. _Idiots._

It wasn't until much later, when she was finally _home_ on her fucking ship that she wondered about Massani. _Was he alive?_ The first thing that she'd done once onboard was send out a message to his old account. It didn't bounce back, but there was no response. She checked once they got back from Mars and from the Citadel that first time, no response.

_Shit._

_Was he dead? Or was he simply done with her?_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M_

_Subj: Hello?_

_Are you alive?_

_This is my fourth message._

_Shepard_

* * *

There was some serious irony to the fact that she was forced to speak with Hackett on a daily basis over the vid-comm yet couldn't get a fucking message from Zaeed. The routine was maddening. She'd send a message, complete a mission, check for an answer, then send another damn message when there wasn't one.

She thought her fucking heart was going to break. And worse, it was making her reckless on the battle field. Reckless, but successful, it only took her a week to get the Krogan on board. Hackett tried to order her to slow it down, but she told him to fuck off. If she slowed down, there would be too much time to think about her missing mercenary. Mordin was already a casualty, and how many more names would she have to put up on that goddamn memorial?

"You ok, Lola?" Vega took a seat beside her in the shuttle. They were headed down to the Citadel to find out what the fuck was going on.

"I'm just thinking about the casualties of war." Shepard pulled out her pistol and checked to make sure it was ready.

"Anyone in particular?" Vega asked.

"I'm not interested in talking about it." Shepard holstered her weapon.

Thankfully, they arrived at C-Sec and Vega didn't have a chance to press her further. Fighting was preferably to just about anything else right now. Shepard vented her frustration into every fucking Cerberus soldier that she met. Kai Leng wasn't so easy to shoot unfortunately; she managed to stop his assassination attempt but not him personally. Udina was dead at least; it made her feel just a little better, but not by much.

_Goddamn it._

And another name went up on the memorial underneath Mordin. Poor Thane. He would've been happy to go out saving the Councilor though. Shepard was preparing to set a course for Eden Prime when she noticed a message about the Volus ambassador. _Weird._ She decided to head back down to the embassy to see what the hell it was all about.

* * *

The recordings in the embassy office were…enlightening. The moment she heard Zaeed's voice, she was racing for the elevator to find Korlack, and Massani. She was afraid that she was going to be too late when she started at the wrong door. _Shit. _She hurried across the corridor to the other side.

"Shepard's a recent acquaintance." Korlack was trying to delay the inevitable.

"How recent?" God it hurt to hear that voice.

"Very," Korlack answered.

"Shit, alright, I'm listening."

And there he was, leaning against the window like it hadn't been six or seven fucking months since they'd seen each other.

"Zaeed." She started towards him but stopped at the lack of emotion in his face. If this was his poker face, she was never playing cards with him ever.

"Shepard, glad I wasn't just making an ass of myself over a hunch." He stayed where he was.

Shepard turned her attention to the volus. At least there was one person in the room that was happy to see her, she convinced the sneaky little bastard to give her the location of the Cerberus attack and the Volus bombing fleet. Korlack left the room once they were finished speaking. C-Sec was on the way, but all she wanted was to touch the bounty hunter.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

But he just headed for the door. "I'll be at the docks if you want to chat."

Shepard just stared with her mouth open in shock as he stormed from the room. _Of all the…_ She raced after him catching up just before he stepped into the elevator. Using both hands, she shoved him inside and followed behind, pausing to slam the button for docking bay. She stood with her hands on her hips glaring up at him, though it was a little hard to stay angry when all she felt like doing was crying her eyes out.

The overwhelming emotion drained all her anger away. They reached Bay D24 in silence. She stepped back out of the elevator and headed for the _Normandy._ If Zaeed wanted to talk, he was going to have to say something. She was too fucking emotionally exhausted. She'd lost two friends, almost had to shoot Alenko, and been ignored by Massani for months. The universe could go fuck itself. She was going to steal Vega' tequila and get completely hammered.

"Commander? There's a Zaeed Massani requesting permission to board." Traynor stopped her before she could head up to her quarters.

"Let him on board. I'll be in my cabin, he knows the way." Shepard sighed and continued into the elevator.

"You planning on leaving me on the goddamn Citadel again?" Zaeed asked when he stepped into her quarters moments later.

Maybe it was the casual shrug, but something inside her snapped completely. She reared back to punch him but he dodged her fist. The momentum sent her to the floor. She rolled on her back; Zaeed straddled her waist before she could get up. She reached up to shove him away but he pinned her hands to her side.

She closed her eyes and turned her head away. He was so damn close, yet he felt millions of miles away. Tears were starting to well up again in her eyes. She struggled against him, trying desperately to get some space before the fucking waterworks started.

"I don't want to hurt you, Shepard." Zaeed growled at her. "Quit struggling goddamn it."

She opened her eyes then, "too bloody late."

"You left me, sweetheart." Zaeed kept a firm grip on her arms. "I didn't fucking leave you."

"I…" She couldn't get any further, a sob caught in her throat threatening to choke her.

It took all of her strength but she launched him across the room. Scrambling to her feet, she fled into the bathroom. Her knees hit the floor with a painful thud. Tears started to stream down her face. The last seven months had been a mental minefield and the strain of it had all but broken her. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed and needed Massani until now. Now, when it was too fucking late.

"Shepard?" Zaeed tapped on the door, when she didn't response, he entered into the room anyway. He crouched down beside her with a sigh. "Why do you sound like your heart has been broken, sweetheart?"

She didn't bother to look up at him. He waited a moment before sitting on the shower floor next to her. He pulled her into his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around her. She buried her face against his neck. His hand gently rubbed her back until she regained some semblance of control over her emotions.

"There…" She stopped to clear her throat. With a deep breath, she pulled back to look into his eyes. "If you were on the ship when I turned myself in…the Alliance didn't need a second person to throw into the brig. I couldn't risk you…but I…six fucking months."

"You could've told me."

"Please don't leave me." The words were whispered against his neck.

"I wasn't trying to leave you." He reminded her. She huffed against his neck in annoyance. He lifted a hand up to grasp her chin and tilt her head so they were eye to eye.

"I am so very sorry."

He kissed her lips first, and then the tears that were still on her cheeks. He finally rested his cheek against hers. "Do you want me, sweetheart?"

"Yes." She put everything into that one word that she could. She put so much into it that she almost couldn't get it out.

"So I understand the Starboard Cargo bay is occupied." Zaeed kissed the corner of her mouth.

"Yep, there's a prothean and a reporter in the cargo bays." Shepard wrapped her arms around him. "It so happens that I have this very large cabin with a very large bed."

"Are you propositioning me, sweetheart? What kind of man do I look like?" He grinned at her.

"Mine. That's what kind." Shepard laughed and then let him carry her over to the very large bed that she had mentioned.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_From: Z.M._

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: quarians._

_Did they not realize now was a bad time to attack the geth?_

_Bloody idiots._

_I've almost finished up here; I'll meet you on the Citadel when you finish with the damn quarians._

_Zaeed_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z.M._

_Subj: re: bloody idiots._

_I miss you._

_Shepard_

_PS: We're heading out to shut the Geth Dreadnought down. I'm fucking taking shore-leave after this._

* * *

"Shepard?" Vega's voice sounded like it was coming from inside a very long tunnel.

"Commander?" Tali tried next without success. "Shepard, we can't stay out here. Are you alright?"

Shepard had been crossing over the docking tube when it had given way under her feet. She'd collapsed onto her knees once she'd gotten on the other side of the airlock. But then it had been total silence. She wasn't moving and she wasn't responding to anyone. EDI could tell them that she was still alive, but that was it.

"Damn it, Shepard. Respond." Joker sounded panicked over the comm. "It's been fifteen minutes, we need to move."

"EDI, can you reach Zaeed Massani over the comm?" Vega asked.

"Yes, sending a request now," EDI responded immediately.

"Tell him what happened; patch him through to Shepard's comm." Vega shared a worried look with Tali. "And EDI, give them a secure, private channel."

"Of course."

And then all they could do was wait.

* * *

"Shepard?" Zaeed's voice broke through the silence, though only Shepard could hear him. "Can you hear me, sweetheart? Say something, damn it. Or shoot something so I know you're there."

_Silence._

"What the _bloody_ hell are you doing out there? Vega and Tali can't get to you unless you unlock a docking tube." Zaeed channeled his fear into anger. "Answer me, damn it."

_Silence._

"You didn't fucking die on me again, did you?" Zaeed tried to make it sound like a joke…unsuccessfully. "Shepard, I'm an angry, old mercenary with a fucking chip on my shoulder. I don't do fear. And I don't beg. Fucking answer me."

_Silence._

"This isn't the first _Normandy_. You aren't going to burn up in the atmosphere. You're _not_ alone. You are _not_ going to die alone in space. There's air and gravity on that dreadnought." He was running out of ideas. "I'll be waiting on the Citadel when you get back. But only if you fucking answer me."

There was a cough. One single, beautiful cough.

"Can you do that again?" He wanted to make sure it wasn't fucking Vega or something.

_Silence_

"Shepard?"

This time he heard what sounded like a shotgun blast.

"Ahh, there you are." He tried to remain calm. "You're ok, sweetheart."

"Is that a question or a statement?" Her voice was there, it wasn't strong but he could hear her.

Zaeed thought he was going to collapse with relief. _Mercenaries don't do that either._

"Bloody hell, Shepard." Zaeed needed to get her focused. There were a lot of fucking geth between her and getting back on the damn _Normandy._ "You need to get to the security panel and open another tube so Vega & Tali can provide back-up."

_Silence._

"Don't do this to me again. Answer me." Zaeed sounded like he was pacing.

"Patience is not your virtue, Massani." Shepard's voice came over the comm loud, clear and sarcastic. "I'm trying to get around a giant hole. The quarians did some damage."

"_Are_ _you_ _OK_?" Zaeed emphasized each word.

"I'm at the security panel. You can tell EDI to patch me back in to the others." Shepard ignored the question. "And Zaeed, thanks."

"That's not an answer," He countered.

"I'm…" She stopped before the lie came out. "When I'm off this dreadnought safely, ask me the question again. I've got control…but…"

Zaeed sighed in annoyance, but finally let it go. A moment later, Vega and Tali were back on the comm sounding overly cheerful. It made Shepard wonder what in the hell Massani had said to them before disconnecting. _Pushy bastard. _And then they were fighting through an army of geth and she didn't have time to worry about it.

* * *

Of all the shitty things to happen, having the fucking quarians try to blow them out of the sky had not really been on the list. Shepard felt her temper slowly rising as they raced towards the fighter with Legion piloting it to safety. Back on _her_ ship, she went straight towards the one person that she felt safe venting her anger on.

Shepard slammed her fist into Admiral Gerrel's stomach. "Get the hell off of my ship."

"Commander Shepard." Raan tried to calm everyone down.

"I'm not interested in excuses. Legion work with the quarians to figure out what the hell we need to do." Shepard stormed out of the war room. She didn't stop until she got to the bridge. "Joker, get us to the Citadel, now."

"Are you…" He trailed off at the look on her face.

Shepard took a seat in one of the co-pilot chairs and tried to maintain some degree of control. She needed something…someone. Her new apartment on the Citadel was blissfully calm. She was enjoying the silence of being alone when the door chimed. She opened the door ready to take out her anger on whoever was interrupting her peace.

"Zaeed?"

He didn't say anything. He just reached out and yanked her hard against his body. His arms crushed her against him. After a moment, he moved into the apartment taking her along for the ride. He could tell from the haunted look in her eyes that everything wasn't completely fine. She buried her face against his chest. She didn't want him to look too closely or see the tears that had started to stream down her face.

The door behind her chimed once again. Shepard groaned in annoyance. Zaeed stretched an arm out behind her to open the door. It opened to reveal Hackett on the other side. Shepard groaned again for a completely different reason. She was carefully moved to the side by Zaeed. He stepped up to the Admiral. Shepard turned to face them just in time to see a right hook by the mercenary catch the other man in the jaw sending him to the ground.

"She's fucking busy," Zaeed muttered. He stepped back in and sealed the door.

"I'm never getting promoted ever." Shepard rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Just be glad I didn't shoot the bastard in the ass."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:**

**I fully admit to this chapter being mostly pointless, and just for fun. But …it had to be done.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Shout out to EpsilonBeta for the idea that helped me finish this chapter.**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"It's just sushi with Joker, how much trouble can I possible get into at a sushi restaurant?" Shepard rolled her eyes at Zaeed.

"I really wish that you wouldn't say things like that," Zaeed groaned.

Shepard stepped closer to place a kiss on his lips. "I'll be fine. Joker's convinced that you can break every bone in his body with a single look. It's not nice to give him indigestion on shore-leave."

"Bloody pilot."

Shepard just laughed and headed out the door. She could hear him muttering to himself even after the door closed. _Angry bastard._ She couldn't understand why he always got so damned worked up. It wasn't as if she went looking for trouble.

Commander fucking Shepard didn't need to look for trouble, it just fucking happened. They were famous last words that she should never have uttered.

_Zaeed was going to be completely insufferable._

She was on her back staring up at the glass that was still falling. Sushi had turned out to be a little more…complicated than anticipated. _Shit. _ Rolling out-of-the-way of a falling pane of glass, Shepard limped under a nearby awning. Brooks was chirping in her ear and Shepard was doing her best to tune the woman out.

"Brooks. _Brooks. _Brooks!" Shepard leaned against the wall with one hand trying to catch her breath and try to get the fucking woman to focus. "I see a landing pad with skycars. I'm going to try to get over there, you find me a ride."

"You should stay off the comms, Commander. They aren't safe." Brooks was way too high-strung for an Alliance officer.

Shepard slid down the last ladder that led into one of the markets on the Citadel. She could see at least four of the mercs coming towards her. Her pistol was low but maybe she could steal a clip from one of them.

"Having trouble, sweetheart?"

Shepard spun around to find Zaeed crouched just behind her. He tossed a spare clip to her. "Don't say it."

"Don't say what, Shepard?" He just smirked at her.

"Bite me, Massani, bite me." She leaned up over the market stall to take a shot at a Merc whose back was turned.

"I think that's all of them." Zaeed remarked after a while.

"I see one more." Shepard took a shot at the barely visible figure in blue.

"What the _hell?"_

Shepard's head snapped up. That voice was _really_ familiar. She glanced around and didn't see any mercs. So she headed over to find that she'd actually shot _fucking Admiral Hackett_ in the ass. Well, to be exact, she'd shot the wall and a fragment had probably ricocheted into the Admiral.

"Kill me now." She muttered under her breath to anyone willing to listen. Zaeed wasn't even bothering to hide his laughter. Shepard shoved her pistol into his hands and he tossed it right back to her. "Bastard."

"I'll just go…find something else to do." Zaeed chuckled.

Shepard knelt next to Hackett. "Admiral?"

His shoulders were shaking as he rolled over on his side. She shifted to get a better look at his face and realized that he was laughing.

"Are you laughing at me?" She frowned at him. She punched him lightly on the arm. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I doubt it's anything serious. You and Massani should see if you can catch up with the mercs that were trying to kill you. Keep me updated." Hackett let her help him to his feet. He moved stiffly with a slight limp.

"I'm so…" Shepard tried to say sorry but laughter bubbled up inside her instead. "If I die in this war, Hackett, promise me that you'll put '_I shot Admiral Hackett in the ass'_ on my tombstone."

"Get the hell out of here, Commander." He gave her a tired look.

Shepard gave him a salute before following Zaeed across the bridge towards the skycar lot. "I'm seriously never getting promoted, ever."

"The bastard deserved it." Massani hadn't managed to stop chuckling yet. "This might be the best day on record."

"Zaeed?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Shut the fuck up." Shepard glared at him.

"Why? You gonna shoot me the ass?"


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"No."

"Zaeed." Shepard gave him a pleading look. They were arguing on the middle landing of the staircase.

"Hell fucking no." He glared at her.

"You can't escort me to the charity event. Bounty hunters aren't really…you just can't go." Shepard glared right back at him. "Hackett already has tickets to the event. He's the perfect cover for me."

"If you fucking think that I'm letting that bloody bastard escort you in the bloody dress that I saw T'soni bring in, you've got another goddamn thing coming." Zaeed looked like he was about to shoot something.

"Feeling a little insecure, are we?" Hackett spoke from the bottom of the stairs.

Shepard turned to tell Hackett to shut the fuck up when she noticed he was in a tuxedo. Her mouth fell open a little. _Goddamn._ He was looking very sexy. "How's the ass?"

"Barely a scratch," Hackett shrugged.

"Commander?" Brooks stepped over from the kitchen. "Doctor T'soni's waiting for you in the bedroom with the dress." Brooks made a hasty retreat when Zaeed growled at the word dress.

"Zaeed?" Shepard leaned up to place a kiss on his lips. "It'll be fine. You've…"

Zaeed glared at Hackett over her shoulder." "Go on then, bloody woman."

"Oh, that reminds me. Will you check on Traynor? She went back to the _Normandy_. And I don't want her spending her whole shore-leave on the damn ship." Shepard gave him another quick kiss then raced over to change into the dress. She was hoping he'd be gone before she came out in the damn thing. It would reduce the risk of him shooting Hackett.

* * *

"She fired me?" Traynor was on the CIC looking incredibly distraught by the time Zaeed strolled on the _Normandy_. He'd had several errands to run first.

"What?" Zaeed looked up at her in surprise.

Before Traynor could explain, Shepard stormed off the elevator.

_There was something…weird going on._

"Get off of my ship." Shepard ordered Traynor, and then added when she caught sight of Zaeed. "Both of you."

"Shepard?" Zaeed was momentarily distracting by her neck. "Where's your tattoo?"

"I had it removed. And now I suggest that you remove yourself." She waved a couple of soldiers over who began escorting Traynor towards the airlock.

Zaeed wasn't having any of that. He gave the one closest to him a warning look before stepping up to Shepard. "Did something happen at the event with Hackett?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed at him. "We're through, Massani. I suggest that you get the fuck off my ship before you're dragged off. I'm moving on to better things."

Massani followed Traynor down towards the bridge and off the ship. "What the bloody hell is going on?"

"Zaeed?"

He turned to find_ Shepard_ racing towards him with Vega and Wrex close behind. He rushed her. Before anyone else could move, he had her by the throat up against the wall.

"Fucking bitch," he growled at her. Then he noticed the tattoo on her neck. The slight crooked line of the bridge of her nose was there as well. "You've got a fucking nerve, you know that?"

"I take it that you met my clone." Shepard stayed very still.

"Clone?" He eased his hold on her neck slightly.

"Cerberus. It's a long fucking story." Shepard reached up to gently run her fingers across his jaw. "I'm having a serious déjà vu moment here, Massani. Whatever she said, it wasn't true."

He breathed a deep sigh of relief, and then kissed her tattoo and her slightly crooked nose before placing a searing kiss on her lips. "I'm going to kill the fucking bitch."

"On that we can agree," Shepard nodded.

There was nothing worse than fighting on a fucking ship. The close goddamn quarters made everything a bloody nightmare. They'd made it to the cargo bay, and were trying to take out Shepard's clone before the ship made it to FTL. It was easier said than done. He took down the last of the mercs when he saw Shepard, both of them; go flying out the open hatch.

_Shit._

"Vega!" He raced across the cargo bay, leaping over several crates. He dived down with Vega holding on to his ankle to grab Shepard's arm.

"Sure you've got the right one?" The clone smirked at him.

"Yes." Zaeed pulled Shepard up into his arms, and then lifted his pistol to shot the clone between the eyes. "Stupid fucking bitch."

"Me? Or Her?" Shepard grinned up at him.

Zaeed shut her up with a kiss. "One of these days, you're going to give me a bloody heart attack."

Once they reached the Citadel dock again, he made himself scarce. Shepard needed to focus, and he was distracting her. He decided to head over to the arcade on the strip to waste time and money.

"You're mine, you bastard, goddamn it." Zaeed glared down at the fucking claw machine.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He turned to find Shepard grinning at him. "Shut it, Shepard. Got any credits?"

"Okay?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Give me some credits, damn it." He kicked the arcade machine.

"Say please." Shepard just grinned at him again while leaning against it.

Zaeed's hand shot out and dragged her over. Her back pressed against the machine as he leaned into her. "Please."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"You never told me what happened at the Casino with Hackett." Zaeed was sitting on one of the bar stools watching Shepard prepare for the party.

"No, I didn't." Shepard became very focused on the invitations on her terminal.

"Care to tell me?" Zaeed stepped up behind Shepard.

"Not really, no." She tried to ignore the warm breath tickling the back of her neck.

He leaned closer to nuzzle the back of her neck. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

"That is…cheating," Shepard complained. She gripped the edge of the desk in front of her to keep upright when her knees started to buckle.

"Of course it is." His hands slid down her sides to rest on her hips. "Who the hell said I played fair?

"Hackett and I made…an impression at the party." Shepard tapped her fingers nervously on the desk.

"What kind of _bloody impression?_" Zaeed twisted around so that he was perched on the edge of the desk. He pulled Shepard forward to stand between his legs.

"It was necessary to keep the security guards from spotting Brooks." Shepard rested her hands on the top of his legs. Her fingers played with the seam on the side of his pants.

"What was _necessary_?" Zaeed covered her fidgeting hands with his. "Shepard?"

"Kissing…" Shepard kept her eyes on his chin. It was safer than his eyes.

"I'll kill him." Zaeed's hands tightened painfully on hers.

"Zaeed."

Massani let go of one of her hands and lifted her chin a little. His thumb brushed her bottom lip. His lips followed and then his tongue slid between her lips. His gripped the back of her head with his hand. His fingers tugged on her hair to tilt her to the left. His lips moved across her jaw and down her neck.

"Commander Shepard there is a visitor at the door." Glyph hovered a few inches away.

"Bloody thing," Zaeed growled against her neck.

Shepard stepped away from him with a chuckle. She ran a hand through her hair to straighten it a little. Zaeed followed her as she headed towards the door. He took a seat in one of the new lounge chairs that she'd purchased. The door opened to reveal Admiral Hackett on the other side.

_Oh shit._

"This is not a good time." Shepard tried to keep him out of the apartment.

"Move aside, Commander." Hackett glanced around her to see the man reclining behind her.

"You know what," Shepard snapped. She grabbed Hackett by the front of the shirt and dragged him inside. She reached down to seize Massani in the same way. "I'm not playing this fucking game anymore with you two."

"Shepard?" Hackett glanced down at the fist clenched around his dress shirt.

"Sweetheart?" Zaeed looked just as confused.

"Look," She released both of them. She poked a finger in Hackett's chest. "I like you, Hackett. I find you damn fucking sexy."

"Well then?" Hackett stepped towards her but she held up a hand to stop him.

She turned to point a finger at Zaeed. "I_ love _him."

Zaeed grinned at Hackett which just pissed her off even more.

"We're fighting a goddamn war here. Do I look like I have fucking time to deal with jealous idiots who are old enough to know better?" Shepard glared at him and then back at Hackett. "Figure this shit out. I've got no fucking problem heading off to war without either of you."

"Idiots?" Hackett was not amused.

"You're not fucking going anywhere without me, sweetheart." Zaeed's smirk disappeared. "He's the bloody idiot, not me."

"And _he's_ the one that you chose?" Hackett shook his head.

"Men." Shepard threw her hands up in the air in disgust. "I give up. Maybe you should sleep with each other and leave me the fuck alone."

_Assholes._

She stormed out of the apartment. _Honestly. _Stupid ass men. A ping from her omni-tool let her know that Aria T'Loak. The asari was finally ready to take back Omega. Good, Shepard needed something to fucking shoot at. Cortez flew her over to Aria's ship in the shuttle. There'd been enough angry testosterone lately. Hackett and Massani could chill the fuck out for a little while. Maybe they'd realize that she wasn't a bone to fight over.

* * *

"What the bloody hell do you mean 'she left on Aria's ship'?" Zaeed backed Cortez up against the shuttle door.

"Easy there, Massani." Vega placed a warning hand on the man's shoulder.

"The Commander told me that she owed T'loak a favor." Cortez raised his hands to push Zaeed back. "I don't get to refuse orders."

"Damn it." Zaeed stormed away leaving Vega and Cortez to exchanged worried glances.

He'd been hearing chatter about an attempt to take Omega back from Cerberus for days. It was a fucking suicide mission as far as he was concerned. Oleg was not going to give up easily. _Shit._ The bloody woman was going to be the death of him. She was waltzing into the damn thing without any back up that she could trust.

_Aria was certainly not trustworthy._

* * *

_Fuck._

Shepard found herself pinned down by Petrovsky's troops. Aria was fucking strung up in some kind of trap. She kept trying to shoot out the damn generators but she'd taken a bullet to the thigh and it seriously hampered her ability to move.

_Fucking Aria._

_Fucking Cerberus._

_Fucking leg._

_Ow._

An adjutant came around the corner and before Shepard lifted her gun, its head exploded. _What the hell? _She looked up to find Zaeed standing over her with a rifle in his hand. _Shit. _He took out a series of troopers then focused on taking out the goddamn generators.

While the fucking _queen of omega_ reclaimed her stupid throne, Zaeed knelt beside Shepard to check out her injury. It wasn't as serious as it felt apparently because he hooked his arm around her waist and lifted her up. He helped her limp away from the wreckage that had been Afterlife. Shepard was too exhausted to deal with anything. She let him take most of her weight.

"Are you going to say anything?" Shepard asked once they were on the shuttle headed back to the _Normandy._

He ignored her question and focused on cleaning up her wound and applying medi-gel to it. When he finished, he sat next to her. His fists were tightly clenched to his side.

"Zaeed?" Shepard reached out a tentative hand to touch his fist.

"You love me." His hand relaxed a little underneath hers.

"I do recall saying that." She used her free hand to pull her fucking visor off her head. She set it on an empty seat. "I believe I said it before I threw a temper tantrum and stormed away from two stubborn assholes."

"You better goddamn stay alive, sweetheart." Zaeed stood and began pacing in the small open space on the shuttle. He came back over and squatted in front of her. His hands grasped her knees gently. "Because I love you, bloody woman."

"Oh good." Shepard grinned at him.

"That's all you've got to fucking say?" He glared up at her.

She leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. She suddenly remembered something. "Oh fuck, the party."

"Hackett is _not_ invited." Zaeed silenced her argument with a kiss.

She let him drag her up into his arms. Hugging in armor was not ideal, particularly when standing on one leg, but it was worth it. Cortez interrupted to let them know they were bacon on the _Normandy. _ Zaeed helped her limp up to the Med Bay.

A couple of hours later, Shepard was resting at her apartment. The party invitations were sent and Zaeed had disappeared to run an errand that she seriously hoped didn't involve shooting an admiral. She leaned back on her pillow and dozed off. She woke later to find a familiar figure watching from the end of the bed. He was holding a rectangular box in his hands.

She pulled herself up into a seated position with her back supported by pillows. "What's that? Hamster food?"

"Bloody hamster. Damn thing. It's not fucking hamster food." Zaeed rolled his eyes and shoved the box towards her. "Open it."

"You are so pushy that I've run out of ways to say it." She grinned at him but lifted the lid off the box anyway. Inside the package, she found a beautiful leather jacket. It looked like the N7 Jacket that she'd been lusting after a few days ago. "How the…"

He just shrugged. She didn't get to comment further though because the first guests started to show up for the party. She was hanging out with some of the crew in the kitchen when she heard gun shots several hours later. She rounded the corner towards the bar to find Zaeed, Wrex and Javik crouched behind the couch.

_What the fuck._

"What the hell are you three doing?" Shepard leaned against the bar.

"We found something to shoot!" Wrex looked inordinately pleased with himself.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, we're all professionals." Zaeed smirked at her.

"That's what I'm fucking worried about." Shepard decided to back away slowly.

It was good to see everyone but she was still fucking exhausted. She snuck up to one of the bedrooms to avoid being dragged over to the dance floor. Her leg still fucking hurt. She collapsed back on the bed and was just drifting off to sleep when she felt the mattress dip slightly. She cracked an eye open to find Zaeed sitting next to her.

"Finished with the target practice?" She grinned at him.

"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?" He reached out to run a hand through her hair.

Shepard grabbed his hand and tugged him down on the bed. There were better ways to pass the time than shoot at bottles. The party might just be looking up after all.

**A/N: I have always found it incredibly annoying that Male-Shep gets the badass leather jacket and Fem-Shep gets a dress. I'd rather have the damn jacket than dress. So I solved the problem the only way I can, in fic. =)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"Where do you think you're going, sweetheart?" Zaeed caught up with Shepard in the shuttle bay of the _Normandy._

He'd heard from Vega about the incident with Ann Bryson. The mission to find Leviathan made him uneasy. He hadn't gone to find Garneau or Bryson, but he was putting his foot down now. She wasn't going anywhere without him.

Shepard glanced up from where she was adjusting one of the mods to her favorite rifle. "To Psi Tophet to find this damn Leviathan thing? You want to go along for the ride?"

Zaeed smirked at her. "I might show you a thing or two."

"I've already seen _what you've got_." Shepard ducked around him to go over the flight plan with Cortez. Zaeed headed over to shuttle to catch up on the mission details with Vega.

_It sounded like an easy mission._

_They always sounded like goddamn easy missions. _Then fucking Shepard got involved. Bloody woman.

And when Shepard got involved, they ended up stranded in the middle of a goddamn ocean. They were stuck and dealing with an endless supply of reaper forces. He didn't like the conversation happening between Cortez and Shepard. It wasn't until she was climbing down out of the Titan that he really started to worry.

"Shepard?" He grabbed her once she was back on the ground and pulled her aside. "Have you lost your goddamn mind?"

"Do you have a better idea?" Shepard gestured towards the vast expanse of the ocean. "Cause we're fucked if this doesn't work."

"I can't keep you safe in a bloody diving mech, sweetheart." He couldn't exactly shoot the damn ocean.

"I'll be fine." She clambered back up into the damn machine and started towards the edge of the platform.

Zaeed watched her jump into the ocean with a sinking feeling in his chest. The worry only increased a moment later when the Reaper forces began landing in increasing numbers.

"Shepard? Commander? Are you there? Come in? _Shepard!"_ The panicked tone in Cortez's voice caught his attention.

"What's going on, Cortez?" Zaeed kept his focus on the fucking husks.

"I lost Shepard."

"Cortez, you get her back on the goddamn comm." Zaeed yelled at the pilot while taking out another fucking zombie.

"I'm trying." Cortez split his attention between the comm link and shooting the incoming forces.

"Try_ fucking_ harder." Massani vented his concern into anger and deadly accuracy with his rifle. "Keep trying or I'll bust your goddamn head in."

"It's not his fault." Vega ducked down behind the wall to catch his breath and reload his weapon.

"I don't give a damn. Get her back. You don't stop trying until you fucking have her voice loud and clear." Zaeed knew he was being irrational but he didn't care.

"I've got limited options here," Cortez argued.

"They'll be really limited when I put a bullet through your skull." Zaeed growled at the man.

"We've got _bigger _issues." Vega pointed towards two brutes that were heading straight for them. "Perhaps we should focus on the actual enemy? Pendejo."

Zaeed was raising his rifle up when the mech shot out of the ocean and crashed just to the right of the fucking brutes. _Bloody hell._ The mech opened and Shepard fell out of it. She landed almost directly in front of the massive creatures.

With a shout to Cortez to get the damn shuttle ready, he launched over the short wall to rush over to the fallen Commander. He hefted her up with one arm and carried her over to the Kodiak. He couldn't tell if she was breathing. Vega followed behind with his shotgun focus on the enemy.

The shuttle was finally able to fly and while Cortez got them the hell away. Zaeed focused on Shepard. He gently eased her helmet off her head. There was dried blood on her face.

"She's fucking freezing." Zaeed muttered while he checked her neck for a pulse. "Wake up, goddamn it."

Shepard shot up suddenly. She coughed and gagged for several moments before collapsing back on the floor. She ripped her gauntlets off, and then reached up to check her nose. There was still dried blood caked around it. She scrubbed at it while continuing to cough.

Zaeed helped her up into a seat. "Are you ok?"

She coughed again but managed to node a few times in response.

"You fucking listen to me sweetheart." Zaeed leaned down with his hand firmly on her shoulder. "Never fucking again, never fucking do that again."

"Can you yell at me later?" Shepard rubbed her forehead gingerly. "And maybe, a little more quietly."

"You always have to be the big goddamn hero." He shifted his hand from her shoulder to cup her face gently.

"I'm Commander Shepard." She shrugged.

"Bloody woman."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"…this just in from Alliance News Network, sources are reporting that Thessia has fallen to reaper forces. The asari homeworld…"

Zaeed frowned up at the news report. He was hanging out in the refugee camps. The _Normandy _had headed for Thessia . _Shit._ He decided to send Shepard a message to see if everything ok and if she might stop by the Citadel. The secure terminal in her apartment was the closest and most convenient place to contact her.

* * *

_From: Z.M_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Thessia_

_Did you get the Catalyst?_

_Zaeed_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Z. M._

_No._

* * *

"Damn." He stared at her last message for a moment.

* * *

_11:10 Z: What happened?_

_11:17 S: Kai Leng. The Illusive Man._

_11:18 Z: Bastards._

_11:18 S: I couldn't save anyone on Thessia. It was a complete fucking failure._

_11:19 Z: You'll get the fuckers._

_11:22 S: We don't have much choice._

_11:23 Z: When are you heading back to the Citadel?_

_11:38 Z: Sweetheart?_

_11:39 S: I'm not. We're heading to Sanctuary._

_11:41 Z: Horizon? Why?_

_11:42 S: It's a shot in the dark. But it's the only lead on Kai Leng that we have._

_11:43 Z: Come pick me up. I'll join you._

_11:45 S: Can't. We're heading planet side now. Later, Massani._

_11:46 User has disconnected._

* * *

He was busy making plans and ordering supplies for when he headed to Earth when Shepard trudged into the apartment looking completely shattered. His eyes followed her movements as she ripped her armor off. She stepped over to one of the bizarre statues in the room. There was a long silence before she grabbed her pistol and emptied a clip into the artwork. With a guttural scream, she flung the weapon across the room and sunk down to her knees.

"It was an ugly piece of shit." Zaeed nudged the remains of the ruined statue with his foot. He squatted down next her. "So, Horizon went well?"

"It was a fucking Cerberus front. They took the refugees and turned them into husks. _Goddamn husks._ All in the fucking name of research." Shepard turned her head towards him. "I am going to end him. We managed to get a tracker on Kai Leng before he ran. He led us right back to the Illusive Man's hidden base."

"When are you heading out?"

She closed her eyes at the question.

"Sweetheart?" Zaeed reached out to run his thumb along her jawline.

"Now. Well, soon. I just wanted to see you first." She leaned into the hand that he placed on the side of her head. "The minute that we move on Cerberus, the reapers will have to know that something is up. Hackett thinks that we won't be able to hide the Crucible any longer."

Zaeed stood and lifted her up into his arms. He wasn't saying goodbye on the goddamn floor in the wreckage of an ugly ass piece of art. He carried her all the way up to one of the bedrooms. He set her down on the bed gently.

"I don't have a lot of time, Massani." Shepard's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. He could tell that she was worried about the battles to come.

"I don't _need_ a lot of time, sweetheart." He touched a finger to the corner of her lips. "But I'm not fucking let you go without holding you first."

* * *

_23:01 S: Where are you?_

_23:04 Z: On a cruiser, headed for Earth. You?_

_23:05 S: Cerberus is done. Kai Leng is dead._

_23:08 S: The Normandy is on the way to London._

_23:09 Z: The Illusive Man?_

_23:10 S: He was fucking illusive. We missed the bastard._

_23:11 Z: We're about to land._

_23:15 Z: Sweetheart?_

_23:16 S: Yes? _

_23:17 Z: Try not to die while you're being goddamn Commander Shepard._

_23:18 S: I love you, too._

_23:19 User has disconnected._


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_Well shit._

Shepard found herself buried under a very large pile of debris. Everything hurt. Her goddamn hair hurt. Breathing was _complicated_. She had no idea how the hell that she was going to get out from under the mountain of shit on top of her. Where the hell was Vega when she needed him?

_And where the hell was she?_

It was the second question on the list of things that she wanted to know. The first question that she needed answered though was; did the fucking thing work? She tried to shift the rubble but it just caved in on her a little further.

_Bad idea._

A falling chunk hit her head and knocked her out.

_This was definitely worse than the ryncol hangover._

She had no idea how much time had passed since she passed out. With her hands on the largest piece, Shepard shoved with all her available strength. She needed to get out from underneath the debris. Starving to death was _not_ how she intended to die…for the second time.

_Shit. _She took a few breaths then tried to lift the wall again. It shifted a few inches to the right. It took an immense effort but she moved it inch by inch from her body. After a few moments of ragged breathing, Shepard checked her body for injuries. Several ribs were definitely cracked if not broken completely. She had a feeling that her right leg was broken as well.

Shepard dragged herself up into a seated position. She appeared to have fallen down into the Presidium. _How the hell?_ The absence of husks made her think that the crucible had been successful. She heard voices in the distance and decided to try to move closer.

Grunting in pain, she crawled out of the massive debris field. Her broken leg made moving difficult to say the least. She pushed with her good leg and pulled with her hands. IT took fucking forever, but the voices seemed to grow closer.

"Oh my god."

_The voice sounded very familiar._

"She's over here."

_She recognized that voice too._

Shepard rolled on her back and stared up just in time to find two people standing over her.

_Cortez and Vega._

"Where's my goddamn beer?" Shepard winced when Vega picked her up off the ground. "Easy there, James, I'm not sure I can take much jostling."

"I'll sneak a beer to you later, Lola, I promise." Vega tried to put on a good face, but she got the feeling that she looked worse than she thought.

"Any news from Massani?" Shepard tried to ignore the concern in her eyes.

Cortez shook his head. "There's not a lot of news coming in from Earth just yet."

Pain hit her in a strong wave. She passed out again. Vega glanced down at the now unconscious Commander and began to run towards the hospital.

_Two days later._

"Is she still not awake?" Garrus stepped into the hospital room and glanced over at Cortez who was slouched in chair next to the bed.

"What do you mean _still?"_ Shepard gave her turian buddy a grin. "Don't you have a bottle to shoot?"

"I saved them for you." Garrus patted her hand. "It's good to see you awake, Shepard. We were starting to worry about you."

"I couldn't let you take all the glory." Shepard shifted in the bed a little. "Is there any news…"

Garrus shook his head before she could even finish the question. "No one's heard anything from him. You might ask Hackett, he seems to be getting the most recent reports."

"Damn." Shepard leaned back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. "Where the hell is he?"

They let Shepard rest after that. She didn't get any sleep though. She used her omni-tool to send a message to Zaeed that bounced back immediately. There was no news on the extra-net aside from celebrations over the destruction of the reapers. Hackett came to visit the following day.

"It's good to see you in one piece, Shepard." He reached down to hold her hand. "I worried when the crucible went off that you might get caught in the blast.

"Have you heard anything from Zaeed?" Small talk just didn't interest her at the moment.

"Not a word. His group of mercs headed to the front lines and that's all that I know." The look on Hackett's face made her wonder. But before she could think on it further, Vega brought in the beer that he'd promised.

_Beer first. _

She could get to the bottom of whatever the fuck Hackett was hiding another day.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:**

**This may or may not be the last chapter.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"He's not coming back, Shepard." Hackett stood just inside her apartment. For the third time in a week, Hackett tried to convince her to move on.

Three months had passed since the end of the reaper war. Shepard moved back into her apartment once the hospital released her. She declined a promotion to Major and relinquished command of the _Normandy_. As far as she was concerned, her fucking job had been accomplished when the crucible fired. She might command a ship again, but it wouldn't be for the Alliance.

"Until I see a goddamn body, I'm not giving up hope." She stood staring up at the photo from the party that she'd thrown what seemed like years ago. Zaeed's arm was wrapped around her shoulder. "He's out there somewhere."

"Then why hasn't he tried to contact you?" Hackett asked.

"What do you really want, Hackett? You didn't come here to talk about Massani." Shepard turned back to face the Admiral.

"They want to throw a ceremony to celebrate the end of the war." He still hovered by the door.

"No."

"I haven't asked you anything yet." He gave her a tired look.

"I won't give a speech. I don't want an award. I don't want a goddamn retirement party." Shepard glared at him. "Just no. No goddamn speeches about the great Commander Shepard. They and you for that matter can all fuck off. I just want to be left the fuck alone."

"He's dead, Commander. You are going to have to accept that at some point." There was no sympathy in his voice.

"Get out." She stormed towards him. With her hands on his chest, she propelled him out the door. "And don't fucking coming back."

"Shepard."

She let the door close in his face. _Bastard._ Zaeed might be dead, but …_shit._

She'd received another invitation to compete at the Armax Arsenal Arena. She stepped out of her apartment and headed down to the strip. Anything was better than pacing her living room in the dark. She played until her name was on the top of the list, then went over to the arcade and did the same damn thing on every single game. She played until she was too exhausted to think about a pair of mismatched eyes.

She dragged herself back home six hours later completely exhausted. Hackett stood by the door with a bottle of scotch in his hand. She glanced from the bottle then back up at him.

"No." She moved around him into her living quarters. "I said leave me alone."

"Look, it's just a drink." Hackett held the bottle up. "I'm not asking you on a date or to sleep with me."

"Well that's a _goddamn_ relief."

Shepard turned slowly to find Zaeed standing just behind the Admiral looking fucking healthy as could be. It felt like everything went into slow motion. Zaeed grabbed the scotch from Hackett and then shoved him out-of-the-way. He stepped into the apartment. He paused to seal the door and to set the scotch on the top of the piano.

"Where the _fuck _have you been, Massani?" Shepard stormed over to slam her fist into his jaw. "Goddamn you. You fucking waltz in here like you haven't been missing for months. You better be fucking glad that I'm not armed right now. I'd shoot you in the fucking head."

He rubbed his jaw for a moment. "It's good to see you too, sweetheart."

Shepard felt her knees starting to give out. She dropped on the piano bench with a thud. "You bloody bastard, where the hell were you?"

"I found Vido." Zaeed was still running his hand over his jaw.

"Vido?" Her eyes narrowed angrily. "Didn't you kill him on Zorya?"

"I missed."

"You _missed_." Shepard stared up at him with a mixture of confusion and anger. "So for three fucking months, you hunted Vido down."

"Yes."

"And you couldn't let me know that you weren't dead?" Shepard surged off the piano bench to slam both her hands into his chest. "How…"

"Shepard?" He tried to wrap his arms around her.

"Do. _Not. Touch_. Me." The anger drained from her voice until all that was left was complete exhaustion.

"I…"

"Stop," she raised a hand to interrupt. "I suddenly find myself no longer interested in what the fuck you have to say for yourself. Get the fuck out of my home."

"I sent messages." Zaeed took step closer despite the warning in her eyes. "Hackett said that you were in a coma."

"Hackett?" Shepard frowned at him. "He knew that you were alive."

"Yes."

"I'm going to shoot both of you." Shepard ignored the fact that it was so good to see him. "You could've sent me a goddamn message."

"You were in a coma?" He reminded her.

"Just for three days, not even three, I woke up on the third day." She tried desperately to hold on to her anger.

Zaeed went very still. "Three days? I contacted Hackett over four days after the end of the war. It was the first time that I had access to the extranet."

"I was awake then."

"I will kill him this time." Zaeed was out the door before she could stop him.

Shepard raced after him. By the time that she caught up to him, he'd already managed to stop Hackett at the elevator. _Shit. _ She dove between the two men only to get a goddamn bullet in the shoulder for her effort. _Of all the…_ Zaeed applied medi-gel then pressed his hand on the wound while the Admiral called for transport to the hospital.

She faded in and out on the way to Huerta. Doctor Michel didn't seem all that surprised to see the Commander. Shepard finally passed out when they set her on a gurney. She woke up hours later in the same goddamn hospital bed. Zaeed and Hackett were arguing with each other in the corner of the room.

"How many women need to die for your stupid, petty battle? Hmm?" Shepard ignored the discomfort in her shoulder. She pulled herself up into a seated position. It was hard to be really pissed off in a hospital bed. "I survived the reapers, the collectors and death. And I'm supposed to die because you two assholes can't seem to get the fuck over the past."

"Sweetheart…" Zaeed stepped over to the bed.

"Nope. I am all out of patience." She moved her hand away when he reached for it. She glanced over at Hackett. "You knew he was alive. You saw how torn up I was about it. Why?"

"I just wanted a chance." He shrugged.

"You come near me again, Admiral…just…go away. Go away and find someone else to bother. I'm beyond exhausted." Shepard closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillow. "That goes for you too Massani."

She heard one pair of footsteps leave. Minutes passed but the second pair didn't follow. Her curiosity got the better of her and she opened her eyes to find Zaeed still standing in the room. He seemed to be struggling with something. She closed her eyes again. He could struggle on his own. _Fucker._

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. And not just for the bullet."

Shepard caught the sadness in his voice. She heard the footsteps then. His fingertips brushed against her hand and then the steps started to move away. Her eyes snapped open and her hand shot out to grab his arm before he was out of reach. Belatedly, it occurred to her that the movement was a bad idea.

"Fuck me." Her arm didn't work right and missed his entirely. He kept going towards the door. "Zaeed."

"What?"

He was clearly not going to come closer. With a groan of frustration, Shepard used her good arm to push off the bed and crossed the short space between the bed and the door.

"What the _bloody hell_ are you doing?" Zaeed lifted her up and placed her back in the bed. She clung to his hand to keep him from leaving.

"Making sure that you didn't leave." She let go of him because the tension in her arm was making her shoulder hurt.

"You told me to go." He sat on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on her leg.

"I changed my mind." The pain meds were starting to make her groggy. "I swear to god if you disappear while I'm asleep that I will shoot you…somewhere."

"Somewhere?"

"I'm in pain and about to fall asleep again. I'll come up with an inventive place to shoot you later." She closed her eyes and tried to fight a yawn. "Please? Stay."

He leaned down to kiss her forehead and then her lips. She dozed off before she heard what he whispered to her.

The following morning when Shepard woke up, she realized that she was no longer at Huerta. At some point, someone had moved her back to her apartment. The answer to who was lying next to her in bed. Zaeed's arm draped around her. Her shoulder was still sore but she shifted a little closer to him anyway.

"Still going to shoot me, sweetheart?" He smirked.

"I'll let you know when my shoulder stops hurting." Her words wiped the smirk off his face. She reached up to touch a finger to a newly healed scar on his cheek. "I missed you."

"Are you done being goddamn Commander Shepard?" The smirk was back.

"Are you done being a goddamn bastard?" She grinned at him.

"Probably not." He chuckled when she flicked the side of his ear. He looked at the bandage on her shoulder and sobered again. "I love you, bloody woman."

"We really need to work on your terms of endearment." Shepard reached up to flick his ear again but he caught her hand. She resisted the urge to bite his hand. "Are you staying?"

"I'm not going any fucking where."

"Good." She relaxed in his arms finally. They could figure everything else out later. She remembered something that she'd meant to tell him earlier. "I retired from the Alliance."

"Really?"

"I thought I might buy my own ship. I seem to have come into a rather large sum of credits." Shepard rolled on her back to think about it. Miranda had apparently stripped away the wealth that was left in Cerberus accounts and decided that the Commander deserved a payment of debts owed. She could easily afford her own ship.

"What the _hell_ are you going to do with a ship?" Zaeed shifted his arm so that he was still holding her tightly.

"Stick around, Massani. You might find out."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: Brooks._

_I thought you should know that she was broken out of prison two days ago by Donner Vosque._

_The Normandy has not been reassigned yet._

_Are you up for one last mission?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: Brooks_

_As apologies go, this might be the best on yet._

_I agree on two conditions._

_I get to pick my crew._

_You accept that I'm with Massani and stop being such a jackass._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: your conditions._

_Agreed._

_Nice to have you back, Shepard._

_Even if it's temporary. _

_Hackett_

* * *

"Anything interesting?" Zaeed leaned against the nearby wall watching her intently.

"I have a ship." She wasn't sure how he was going to respond to this new development.

"Which one?" He watched her fidget with the terminal. "Sweetheart?"

She moved towards him. Her hands rested lightly on his chest. "The _Normandy._"

He reached up to take both her hands in his. "Keep going, Shepard."

"Remember Brooks or whatever the hell her name was?" Shepard kept her eyes focused on their hands and not on him. "She escaped from prison with a little help from your old buddy Vosque. Hackett asked us to track her down."

"Us?" Zaeed sounded very skeptical.

"I'm sure that's what he meant." She lied through her teeth. "I get the ship. I can pick the crew. Hackett also agreed to stop being such …anyway."

Zaeed kissed the two hands that he was holding. "One last mission?"

"You up for it, Massani?" She looked up at him then.

"Commander Goddamn Shepard." He let go of her hands only to grab her by the hips and pull her tightly against him. "Next time I bloody fall in love, I'm picking someone whose less work."

"I'll take that as a yes." Shepard slid her hands up his arms. "He's letting me pick my crew, did I mention that?"

"I always said he was an idiot." Zaeed began kissing his way up from the base of her neck to her ear. "Let's celebrate."

"I need to send out messages to see who wants to join the mission." She tried to move back to her terminal.

"Later." He bit the tender flesh on her collarbone and chuckled when she stifled a moan.

A couple of hours later, Shepard sprawled on her back on the bed. Zaeed was asleep and her head rested on his chest. His arm draped across her abdomen. She stretched her arm out to grab her omni-tool. Time to send out a few invitations; Hackett had already confirmed that Vega, Cortez, Joker, EDI Gardiner, and Traynor were still technically assigned to the _Normandy_. Chakwas was being reassigned back to the ship as well.

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Multiple Undisclosed recipients_

_Subj: Maya Brooks and Donner Vosque_

_Brooks escaped from an Alliance detention center with Vosque's help._

_Hackett's giving me the Normandy to hunt them down. I get to pick the crew._

_Are you in?_

_If so, rendezvous at the Citadel by the end of the week._

_Shepard_

* * *

_From: Jack_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Hell yeah._

_Shoulda shot the bitch the first time._

_See you in seven._

_Jack_

* * *

_From: Garrus_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Brooks_

_Tali and I will both be there._

_Garrus_

* * *

_From: Kasumi_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Maybe_

_Will Vega be there?_

_Kasumi_

* * *

_From: Liara_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Brooks and Vosque_

_It sounds like something I would not want to miss. You might need broker resources._

_Javik and I have been working on a book. He's interested in joining us as well._

_Liara_

* * *

The arm around her tightened just a bit. She titled her head back to find Zaeed waking up.

"We leave at the end of the week." She tossed her omni-tool back on the nearby side table. "The only ones that I haven't heard back from are Wrex and Grunt."

"Cause what you really need on the _Normandy_ are two crazy krogans." Zaeed began playing with the ends of her hair with his fingers.

"Wrex brings the good booze." Shepard relaxed back against him. "I'm going to the casino to grab a drink with my mom. Her ship finally docked this morning. Will you meet us for dinner at that new place near the Presidium?"

After a very deep sigh, he finally nodded his agreement, "the sacrifices that I make for you, blood woman."

"I keep telling you that is not a term of endearment." She laughed when he tugged on her hair.

"Bloody woman."

"Bite me, Massani, bite me." She dodged out-of-the-way when he tried to comply with the order.

Her mom was waiting for outside the Silver Coast Casino. The happy hug that they exchanged was relatively short-lived. Shepard heard the rifle shot a second later than her mother did. Her mom shoved her to the ground and took the bullet dead center in the chest. Shepard scrambled over to press her hand to the wound.

She glanced around frantically looking for the shooter. A glimpse of a familiar figure rapidly disappearing between the gathering crowds filled her with immediate fury. _Brooks._ C-sec arrived moments later but it was too goddamn late. Hannah Shepard died in her daughter's arms. Bailey tried unsuccessfully to provide her with a little privacy. She finally let him organize moving the body. He said he'd contact the Alliance for her as well; she could meet them at the morgue later.

"I thought you were going out for drinks?" Zaeed spoke from the kitchen when she stepped into the apartment minutes later. "Shepard?"

She didn't say anything. The lump in her throat made breathing difficult let alone words. She stood just inside the doorway with her clothes covered in blood. She held her hands away from her body. He came around the corner after a moment and stopped dead when he caught sight of her.

"What the…"

No words come to her. Instead, she screamed and slammed her fists into the glass wall. It shattered on impact. Zaeed leapt into action. He lifted her out of the glass and set her gently on the piano bench. He carefully shook stray shards from her clothes. He squatted in front of her.

"I'm not seeing any wounds, sweetheart. Whose blood is this?" He cupped her face with his hands. She jerked away from him. "What the hell is going on?"

"Brooks tried to shoot me." Shepard couldn't stop the tears then. She rested her forehead against his shoulder to hide them. "She missed me. She missed…she didn't miss…oh god, Zaeed."

"Your mom?" He wrapped her up in his arms. She sobbed angry tears against him for what felt like hours.

"I am going to _destroy_ her and Vosque and anyone else who lifted a finger to help her escape. I'm going to bleed every goddamn one of them." Shepard's hands in his shirt. "I don't know if I can do this, Massani."

"You're goddamn Commander Shepard. You'll fucking blow the bitch out of the sky." He pushed her back a little so he could look her in the eye. "And if you can't, I'll fucking do it for you."

"You say the sweetest things." She smiled through the bitter tears. "I need to get cleaned up and let Hackett know. Then I need to go to the morgue."

"Let me help, Sweetheart. I'll contact Hackett, I'll even promise to be…polite."

Zaeed led her towards the bedroom and then into the bathroom. He stripped her out of the bloody clothes and guided her under the warm water. He gently washed away everything but the hurt inside. She let him dry her off and dress her in clean cargo pants and her N7 hoodie. He led her over to the recliner in the office and then he stepped in front of her vid-comm.

"Massani?" Hackett looked surprised when he found Zaeed and not Shepard standing in front of the comm.

"There was an incident on the Citadel." Zaeed glanced at Shepard who was leaning forward in the chair with her face buried in her hands.

"What incident?"

"Hannah Shepard is dead. Brooks shot her, though I don't think Hannah was the Shepard that the bullet was meant for." Massani didn't sugar coat it for the Admiral.

"Is she…"

"We're going to hunt the goddamn bitch down." Zaeed cut him off.

"Agreed." Hackett started to say something else but changed his mind. "Tell Shepard to let me know if she needs anything. Hackett out."

"Do you need anything, sweetheart?" He turned away from the blank comm.

"You."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

News of her mother's death travelled quickly. The _Normandy _was supplied and had a full crew within three days. No one met her eyes when she walked around the ship. Shepard finally headed up to her quarters to unpack. Their sympathy threatened to overwhelm her completely.

Liara was getting the broker terminals back up and running again. They were certain that Brooks had fled the Citadel. With Vosque helping her, Shepard decided that Aria was the best person to question. Joker set a course for Omega while she sat on her bed and stared at the small urn that held Hannah's ashes. They'd held a brief memorial service at her apartment. It reminded her of the one that Kolyat had wanted for his father.

"How you feeling, sweetheart?" Zaeed stepped into the room. He tossed a duffle bag on the couch.

"Moving in?" She looked over at his bag.

"Well, I'm not bloody sleeping on a cot in the fucking cargo bay." He sat next to her on the bed.

Shepard fell backwards to stare up at the viewing window over her bed. "No, that cot was _not_ meant for two people."

"Not sturdy enough either." He lay back on the bed beside her.

"Massani."

"Are you ok?" His hand stretched out to cover hers.

_More goddamn sympathy._

"I need to check in with Traynor." Shepard shot off the bed and was in the elevator before he could catch up to her.

She stepped on the CIC with no idea what the hell to do next.

"Shepard?"

"Yes?" She looked up to find Liara standing hesitantly in front of her.

"I…found this and thought perhaps you might want to read it." T'soni dumped the datapad in Shepard's hand and beat a fast retreat towards the War Room.

Shepard glanced down at the first line of the message stored on it. _My dearest daughter. _She felt her throat start to close up with tears. _Damn it._ Crying in the middle of the CIC would be bad. _Shit. _ She spun around and punched the elevator button repeatedly. The doors finally opened and Massani stepped out. She practically knocked him over to get inside. He dodged between the closing doors just in time.

He reached out to touch one of the few tears that had escaped her control. "What happened?"

She ignored his question until she was back in her cabin sitting on the edge of the bed once again. She read the message that her mother never got around to sending to her. Trust the goddamn Shadow Broker to find a way to deliver it from the grave.

* * *

_My dearest daughter,_

_Admiral Hackett tells me that we're making the final push to Earth. _

_I know that you'll be on the front lines. Hackett told me that we don't have a chance without you. _

_I just want you to know that I love you and I'm so proud of you. Your father would be as well._

_And I'm looking forward to meeting this man of yours. He must be something special._

_Love,_

_Mom_

* * *

"Shepard?" He crouched down in front of her.

"Liara found this." She handed the datapad over to him.

Zaeed skimmed over the letter. He set it to the side before resting his hands on her knees. His fingers massaged the inside of her leg. "We'll find the bitch that did this."

"Jack's right. I should've shot her when I had the chance." Shepard sued her hoodie sleeve to wipe the tears from her eyes. "This is my damn fault."

"Brooks pulled the trigger." Zaeed moved up to sit next to her.

"That bullet was meant for me."

"Maybe. It doesn't make it your fault though." He draped his arm around her shoulders.

Shepard tilted her head to rest against him. "Doesn't it?"

"No."

"Zaeed."

He yanked her back on the bed with him. They lay side by side once again. "Brooks was probably trying to kill both of you."

"That is _not_ reassuring." She jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

"It's the goddamn truth." He grabbed her hand. "Now focus on what's important."

"You?"

"Gutting the goddamn bitch that did it." He shifted on his side and pulled her into his arms. "Bloody woman."

"I keep telling you that you need to expand your vocabulary." She felt his hands gently massage the tense muscles in her back.

"When you stop driving me crazy, I'll find something else to call you."

"Bastard."


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. **

"Where. Are. They."

"Shepard." Zaeed placed a restraining hand on her shoulder. "We can't win a firefight in Afterlife. You don't want to shoot Aria."

"Answer me, or I'll blow your fucking head off." Shepard had her gun pressed against T'loak's head.

"Easy, Commander." Aria hadn't tried to resist yet. "They left on a cruiser. I don't know where for, but I can give you the name of it. I'm sorry about your mother. But get that gun out of m y face or I'll let my men take you down."

Zaeed wrapped his hand around Shepard's gun. He pulled it down and to the side. Shepard screamed in frustration and stormed away. Massani left Liara and Garrus to deal with settling Aria's ruffled feathers. He chased after the Commander to make sure that she didn't shoot anyone.

He caught up with her just as she stepped into the _Normandy_ airlock. His concern grew as she continued to her quarters in silence.

"Zaeed."

"Sweetheart?"

"Thanks." She collapsed backwards on couch. "Killing Aria wouldn't have done a damn thing to help.

He sat next to her. She turned so her head was resting in his lap and her feet dangling off the end of the couch. He draped an arm along her side while his other hand gently massaged her head.

"Shepard?" Liara stepped into her quarters hesitantly.

"Come in, Liara." Shepard stayed where she was. Zaeed was a comfortable pillow.

"I think I found something." Liara handed her a datapad.

Shepard skimmed through the report. "Illium?

"It's a good place to hide." Zaeed read through the intel as well.

"Tell Joker to head for the Tasale System." Shepard tossed the datapad back to her. "Thanks, Liara."

"Of course." She headed back out of the room.

Zaeed trailed his fingers around her ear. He caressed the back of it before running his fingernail lightly down her neck. He slid his hand slowly into the collar of her tank-top.

"What are you doing, Massani?" She tilted her head back a little to get a better look at his face. His fingers brushed a little further down.

"Shh," he muttered. "I'm busy, very busy."

_They were busy all the damn way to Illium._

Dirty money is what the jewel of the Asari world always smelled like to her. It wasn't a good smell either. Zaeed, Liara and Vega accompanied her as they tried to find any trace of Brooks or Vosque. Detective Anaya directed them to one of the local hotels often frequented by members of the Blue Suns.

Shepard stepped into the hotel atrium and a second later, the crack of a rifle echoed through the room. She fell backwards. Her head slammed into the ground with a sickening thud and blood begin pouring from a wound on her shoulder. She blinked up at the lights in the hotel. She felt a little disoriented and her head was spinning.

_Fuck that hurts._

* * *

"_Shepard!_" Zaeed slid to his knees beside her. He applied medi-gel and then pressed his hand to the wound. He pointed to Vega. "Find that goddam shooter. T'soni, let Chakwas know that we've got a patient for her. And tell Vakarian that Vega is going to need back-up."

"Zaeed? What are you…" Shepard was fading fast.

"Stay with me, Sweetheart." He lifted her into his arms and raced for the shuttle that Cortez had just landed. Vakarian hopped out to race after Vega. Liara and Zaeed stepped quickly into the shuttle. "Move it, Fly-boy."

Cortez glanced at Shepard with concern but immediately took off for the _Normandy_.

Zaeed paced outside the MedBay for hours. Chakwas finally stepped out into the mess in the early hours of the morning. He headed over to her instantly.

"The wound is healing. There shouldn't be any permanent damage." The doc was silent for a moment.

"But?" Zaeed felt his anxiety level starting to rise.

"She hit her head pretty hard. I keep telling her that visor isn't sufficient protection." Chakwas gave him a tired look. "She's disoriented."

"What do you mean by _disoriented?" _He glanced over her shoulder to where Shepard was reclining on one of the beds in the Sick Bay.

"She thinks this is the first _Normandy_ before it was destroyed. Before she took down Saren…" Her voice trailed off for a moment before continuing, "there's no permanent brain damage. So I'm hoping that her memories will start to come back once she gets some rest."

"The first _Normandy_?"

"Yes. Maybe talking with you will help?" Chakwas stepped aside to let him head into the Med Bay.

"Massani? What the _hell_ are you doing on an Alliance vessel?" Shepard opened her eyes when he approached the bed.

He felt like she'd punched him in the gut. If she didn't remember that this was the SR2, then she wouldn't remember choosing him over Hackett. _ Fuck_. "You don't remember?"

She frowned at him when he sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "Why would Anderson let you on his ship?"

_Fuck_. He couldn't answer that question yet.

"I'm going to let you get some rest, maybe we can talk later?" He patted her hand and leaned down to kiss her but she pulled away from him. He bit by a curse and headed for the door.

Over the next two days, her shoulder healed but she still only remembered bits and pieces of the last two years. She moved back up into her quarters and Zaeed had to move into Thane's old quarters temporarily. He'd damn near had enough when she told him that they were heading to the new Arcturus to visit Hackett.

The Admiral would take full advantage of her loss of memory; he had no doubts about that. Chakwas had been very firm about not trying to force her to remember things. She needed to remember on her own. So he had to just let her go when she headed to dinner with Hackett.

"She'll remember." Vega leaned against the railing outside _Normandy_ airlock next to Zaeed.

"Before or after she lets Hackett romance her?" He kicked the wall in frustration. "This is bloody ridiculous. I'm going to kill Brooks twice when we catch up with the fucking bitch."

Vega gave him a sympathetic look before following Cortez down to one of the nearby bars on the Alliance station. Massani stayed closer to the ship. It was safer that way. He could resist that urge to hunt down Shepard and punch Hackett just for being an annoying bastard.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.  
**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. I'll love you forever lol.**

Zaeed had moved away from the airlock when Hackett escorted Shepard back to the _Normandy. _It gave him a great view when the Admiral leaned down to kiss her. He also caught the confused look that passed across Shepard's face when Hackett stepped back. She waved up at him then disappeared into the airlock. Massani caught up to him before he moved away. He slammed his fist straight into the man's face.

"You touch her again, Hackett, and I'll put a bullet in the back of your head." Zaeed kick the Admiral in the ribs once then stepped back on the _Normandy._

_Goddamn bastard._

_What the hell was he thinking_?

The Commander had a goddamn head injury and Hackett was fucking playing games with her. Zaeed headed down to his temporary quarters on the crew deck. He calmed his anger by stripping and cleaning his weapons. By the third time, his blood pressure had started to return to normal.

It was after 2300 when he finally eased into the fucking cot to try to sleep. He'd just closed his eyes when the door opened. He looked up to find Shepard standing just inside the room. He swung his legs around and sat up.

"You ok, Swee…Shepard?" He watched her pace the length of the small room.

"No."

"No?"

She stopped pacing just in front of him. "Hackett kissed me. And I liked it."

_Bloody hell. This was like goddamn torture._

He clenched his fists around the edge of the cot and waited for her continue.

"But it felt wrong. _Wrong._" She started to pace again. "I'm so confused. I remember being interested in Hackett. I remember the resort…but…what the hell happened over the last two or three years? I know I'm missing something."

"The doc says you should just let the memories come naturally." Zaeed felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing him in the chest.

_Love was a goddamn son-of-a-bitch._

"Why do I feel like I'm hurting someone? I don't understand." She sounded so damn lost that Massani gripped the cot tighter.

"Are you seeing the Admiral again?" Zaeed didn't know how to help her. This wasn't a problem that he could slam his fist into.

"For breakfast."

He felt the edge of the cot start to bend in half.

_Shit._

She squatted beside the cot to look at the damage. "I don't think that's going to hold you for much longer."

Zaeed shrugged and tried to resist the urge to reach out for her. "I'll figure it out."

Shepard started to stand but froze in place when she noticed the tattoo on his neck. She lifted tentatively out to touch the ink. He held his breath while she leaned closer to look at it. Her fingers traced the lines of the Blue Suns insignia. Her other hand came up to touch the tattoo on her own neck.

"What am I missing?" Her eyes didn't move from his neck.

"You should get some rest, Sweet…Shepard." It was taking a tremendous effort not to grab the bloody woman and kiss her until she fucking remembered.

"I guess." She frowned at him but finally stood and headed for the door.

Zaeed waited for her to leave then he snapped the goddamn cot completely in half.

_What if she never remembered their relationship?_


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:**

**oh look, two chapters in one day. **

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. I'll love you forever lol.**

The following morning, Shepard found herself enjoying breakfast with Hackett at his apartment. Through the meal though, there had been something in the back of her mind that bothered her. It was like trying to remember a word that was on the tip of her tongue. She was growing frustrated with the sensation. The Admiral had been charming but it all seemed wrong. It wasn't until he leaned across the table to kiss her that her memories seemed to click back in place.

_It felt wrong because she was having breakfast with the wrong goddamn man. _

_What the fuck was she doing? What the fuck was Hackett doing?_

_Then she remembered the gun shot on Illium and smacking her head. __Goddamn amnesia._

Shepard raised her hand between his lips and hers. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I cannot believe that you'd take advantage of my memory loss to get between me and Massani. What the _hell_ is wrong with you?"

"I'm guessing that your memories just came back." He sat back in his chair with a sigh. He gave her a shrug. "I thought it was worth a try."

She pointed at the bruise on his jaw. "I'm guessing that was Zaeed?"

"That would be correct." Hackett pushed his plate forward on the table. "I might have deserved it. He saw me kissing you outside the airlock last night."

"We're going to have a very long talk about this later. A very long talk about the fact that you thought seducing me while I had a brain injury was a good idea. Seriously, Admiral?" She stood and tossed her napkin at him. "Thanks for breakfast. If you ever do that again, I'll let him shoot you and I can guarantee that it won't be in the fucking ass this time."

The walk back to the _Normandy_ wasn't long enough for her to process everything. Hackett was a goddamn bastard, as Zaeed would say. But she honestly couldn't blame him for trying. Zaeed would've done the same damn thing if the positions were reversed. And Massani, he had been so fucking…_Damn it. __The brief moment last night with him was even more poignant now. _

"Commander?" Traynor looked up when Shepard stepped on the CIC.

"Where's Massani?"

"I believe he's playing poker with Garrus and Vega in the lounge." Traynor gave her a curious glance which Shepard ignored.

There was one person that deserved to know that her memories had returned before the others. She headed down to the crew deck and into the lounge. Beers and poker chips littered the surface of the table. Zaeed sat in the far corner with his to the wall. He looked up when she entered the room. The guarded look that immediately surfaced in his eyes hit her hard.

It reminded her that she'd had the easy part of not remembering. He had been left with all the broken pieces to deal with. She'd been having dinner with Hackett and letting the Admiral kiss her. Zaeed had been forced to watch the whole damn thing.

_Shit._

_How the hell should she tell him?_

"Did you need something, Lola?" Vega glanced over his cards at her.

"I…" She felt annoyingly tongue-tied all of a sudden.

"Sweethe…Shepard?" Zaeed stood and headed towards her with concern in his eyes. "Are you feeling ok? Is it your head?"

"Don't you mean Sweetheart?" She lifted a hand to grab a hold of his shirt. She pulled him close enough that she could kiss him. "I remember…us."

His hands came up to grip her arms. "Sweetheart?"

"We'll just be going now." Vega grabbed Garrus and pulled him out of the room.

Shepard ran her fingers over his tattoo as she had the night before. His hand reached up to trace the edges of hers. He slid his hand around her neck and up to cup the back of her head. His other hand moved from her arm to wrap around her waist and lift her up against his body. He leaned down for another kiss.

"Don't you every bloody do that to me again." He growled against her lips.

"It wasn't like I did it…"

He shut her up with another searing kiss. "You were slipping away from me and I couldn't do a goddamn thing. _Bloody Hackett._"

Shepard rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry about kissing Hackett."

"You can make it up to me later." He lifted her up into his arms and started towards the door.

Vega gave them both a curious glance as Zaeed carried her towards the elevator. "Is she ok?"

"She got her memory back." Zaeed explained before slamming his fist into the first floor button.

"Did they find the shooter?" Shepard asked while they headed up to her quarters. It had been the second thing on her mind once her memories came back. Zaeed was the first.

"Blue Suns sniper. He had an unfortunate _accident_ on the way to lockup. Very sad." He took her inside her cabin.

"Good." Shepard rested her head against his shoulder and yawned. She hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in two days. "I now understand why I wasn't sleeping well."

He glanced over at the covers on the bed. It looked like she'd tossed and turned rather violently for hours. "You weren't sleeping?"

"Not a goddamn wink. There was a Massani-sized hole in my arms." She laughed for a moment and then turned serious. "Did we get any info from the sniper before he _accidentally_ died in what I hope was a very painful manner?"

"Yes. Now that you remember who the fuck you are again. We'll head out to track the bastards down." He set her down on the bed and paced in front of her. "You are not bloody cleared for…"

She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and her head resting on her hands. _Poor Zaeed._ She'd bet her entire bank account that he was worried about hurting her. Daft idiot. "Are you going to do that all day?"

"Bloody woman."

"I suppose I could always go see Hackett." Shepard watched him pause mid-step and slowly turn towards her. _Sometimes it was too damn easy. _ "I'll take that as a no."

It took him one step until he was standing in front of her. He lifted her back on the bed. He tossed his shirt and pants aside and slid under the covers with her. He shifted on his side and tugged her back against him. He wrapped an arm possessively around her.

"That's definitely a no." She covered his hand with her own.

"I missed you." He whispered against the back of her neck. "I love you."

"Not remembering all the death of the past two years was…nice. I didn't know about the reapers yet." She'd been thinking about this all the way back to the _Normandy_. "But it paled in comparison to the emptiness I felt without you. And it sucked not knowing why I felt that way. I knew I loved someone...I just couldn't seem to touch that part of my mind. I assumed it was Hackett."

"Bastard." Zaeed's voice held an edge of anger. "Should've kicked the fucker twice."

"Next time I get shot, remind me not to hit my head on the floor when I fall." Shepard chose to ignore that last comment.

"You bloody woman." His arm tightened around her.

"Seriously? You can't think of anything else to say." Shepard rolled her eyes. "I know it was just a couple of days but it…"

His hand began slowly moving down her stomach and she all but swallowed her damn tongue. His fingers toyed with the waistband of her cargo pants. He kissed the back of her neck while his fingers slide inside her pants. "I think that it's going to take more than words. I think it's time to goddamn remind you that you fucking chose me."


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. I'll love you forever lol.**

"What the fuck are you doing?" Zaeed slammed his fist beside the wall next to Shepard's head sending a shower of dust on her armor. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?"

"You're over-reacting." She reached up to brush her armor off then shoved him in the chest hard enough to knock him backwards.

_He wasn't over-reacting. But she damned well didn't intend to admit it to him._

They'd tracked Brooks to the destroyed Cerberus facility on Pragia of all places. Instead of the fucking bitch, they found a shitload of Blue Suns troops. Shepard ran straight through the mercs completely oblivious to them. Her attention completely focused on a fleeing shuttle in the distance. She didn't notice them until gunshots started pinging off her armor.

Once they'd taken care of the Blue Suns, Zaeed immediately dragged her around the corner to chew her out. It reminded her a little of Zorya, in reverse.

"You've barely recovered from the last _goddamn_ time you got shot. How many fucking chances do you think you get to survive a bullet wound" Zaeed shoved her back against the wall.

"Get out of my face, Massani." Shepard didn't feel like being lectured to.

She ducked under his arm to head back to the shuttle. The ride back to the _Normandy _was tense. Vega and Garrus tried to look anywhere but at Shepard or Massani. Zaeed kept trying to get her attention. She chose to ignore _all_ of the idiotic men.

When they were back on the ship, Liara informed Shepard that they managed to track the shuttle to an old mining facility on Altahe in Archeron system. Joker set a course for Styx Theta and Shepard headed up to her quarters. She hoped that this time they wouldn't run into to any goddamn rachni while on the planet.

Zaeed sat on the edge of her bed with a glass of scotch in his hand. "You were reckless down there, sweetheart."

"I seem to recall you rushing in to danger after a fleeing shuttle not so long ago." Shepard poured herself a glass and took a seat on the couch. She needed the distance from the angry man on the bed. "And don't tell me that it's different."

"It _is _bloody different," he shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because I can't goddamn keep doing this, watching you almost die in my arms again and again." Zaeed threw his glass across the room. It shattered against her model display case.

"You trying to leave me, Massani?" Shepard glanced over at the scotch dripping down the wall. "Because if you are the door is right fucking over there."

"Is that a hint, Sweetheart?" He stood to head for the door.

"If you walk out on me, don't bother coming back." Shepard took a long sip from her glass.

He stopped with his foot on the first step. Anger filled his eyes. He stalked over to her and knocked her glass aside. His hand gripped her shoulder and heaved her up against the back of the couch. She tried to kick him but his arm shoved her leg back down.

"Getting yourself killed won't bring her back, Shepard." Zaeed kept her pinned to the couch.

_He was right._

And that pissed her off even more. She struck out at him in the one way guaranteed to hit him hard.

"Maybe Hackett would be more _understanding._" She regretted the words the minute they were out of her mouth.

_She'd fired the goddamn bullet and hit the goddamn target._

_Shit._

"Then why don't you try him." Zaeed released her and stormed out of the room.

_Broken glass, split scotch and an empty room. _

_Shit._

Vega and Garrus went down with her to the mining facility three days later. Zaeed _did not._ She hadn't seen him since their argument. And she _hadn't_ contacted Hackett. She wasn't even sure if Massani was on the goddamn ship.

They moved slowly through the old facility. It looked a few hundred years old. The damn place felt ready to collapse at any minute. No sign of Brooks anywhere, Shepard decided to head back to the _Normandy_. This was a fucking waste of time. She took one step and fell straight through the fucking floor into an old shaft. The fall lasted forever, at least six or seven levels down. She landed with a painful thud.

"_Shepard !" _Vega's voice echoed over the comm and down the fucking shaft. "It's too damn far to reach you by hand. There are no ladders anywhere."

"Tell Cortez to get some fucking rope or something from the _Normandy_." Shepard tried to sit up.

Her legs had gone just a little further than the rest of her body. They were stuck between two boulders, like they'd threaded a fucking needle. She used her omni-tool to get some light. She wasn't moving any time soon, not without help. Someone was going to have to push the rocks apart so she could slide her legs out. A crackling sound in her ear told her someone had just hooked into the comm system.

"Shepard?"

"_Zaeed_."Shepard found it difficult to hide how fucking happy she was to hear his voice. She'd missed the bastard.

"Are you ok, sweetheart?" The sound of Cortez in the background told her that he'd decided to join the rescue mission.

"Oh I'm doing splendidly."

"That doesn't sound very convincing." He remarked before yelling at Cortez to fly faster.

"Be nice to my pilot." She muttered before trying once again to slide her legs out. "Shit."

"We'll be there with the rope in a second, just hang on Shepard." Cortez broke into the conversation.

"That's great. But my legs are trapped between a rock and a hard place, literally. I'm going to need help." Shepard shoved at the rock again. _Pointless._

Ten minutes later, Vega and Garrus lowered Zaeed down towards her. He set a portable light down to give enough light to see what the fuck had happened to her legs.

"We'll be back in ten minutes." Vega yelled down and then she heard his boots heading away followed by Garrus.

"What the…"

Zaeed squatted next to her. "So was he _more bloody understanding_?"

"What? Who?"

"Hackett."

_Oh. That._

"You want to talk about this now?" Shepard glared at him.

"Do you have anything better to do?" He bent over to make sure her leg wasn't in any immediate danger.

"I didn't contact him," she finally admitted.

"No?"

"Of course not, you stubborn bastard." She nudged his leg with her arm. "And I'm sorry that I said it. You were right and it pissed me off."

"Hmm." His hand gently brushed the dust from her face. He lifted her chin a little so that she was forced to make eye contact with him. "If you die, Brooks wins. She wins and you lose, and I lose and everyone else that cares about you loses as well. And I'm just not fucking ready to lose you, Sweetheart."

"I'm sorry, Zaeed."

He kissed her gently then stepped back. "Now, let's get you the fuck out of here."

It took twenty minutes or so to get her legs free. Then Vega and Garrus, the fucking traitorous bastards, hoisted her up followed quickly by Massani. She felt like Wrex had steamrolled over her…twice…but no injuries aside from a lot of bruises and scrapes.

She stripped out of her armor the minute she got up to the first deck. Bruises covered just about every inch of her body. She must have bounced like a fucking pinball against the walls on the way down. She leaned back gingerly on her bed, everything hurt. Zaeed stepped into her quarters a moment later.

He stripped down to just his t-shirt and climbed up next to her on the bed. He turned on his side to get a better look at all the marks on her body. "Is there part of your body not currently black and blue?"

She glanced down. "Not that I can see, maybe behind my ear."

He brushed the hair out of her eyes. "How the fucking hell am I supposed to touch you?"

"Gingerly," she laughed.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:**

**So…yea…this is all AU at this point, deal. Lol.**

**I think the angst & drama is going to come down after this chapter.**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. I'll love you forever lol.**

"What do you mean _gone?_" Zaeed glowered menacingly down at Traynor.

"Gone. She took the shuttle and disappeared. Cortez and Liara are trying to track her but she managed to disable the locator on the Kodiak." Traynor backed as far away from Massani as she could get. "I don't know anything else."

"Leave her alone, Zaeed." Vega grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the elevator. "Cortez has an idea."

He shoved Vega's hand away. It better fucking be the best idea ever. When Liara came to Massani a week earlier with intel on where Brooks and Vosque had holed up, they decided to delay giving Shepard the information. She still needed to heal up from falling down the fucking mining shaft. It seemed like a _good idea_ at the time. Except he'd been forced to lie to the Commander when she asked if they'd found anything.

The Commander overheard a conversation between him and Vega later that week. _Bad._ And when he followed her up to her quarters, he found his bag sitting outside her locked door. _Worse. _

"How bloody far could she have gotten?" Zaeed asked the minute he stepped into the Shuttle Bay.

"How far?" Cortez looked up from his terminal. "We're not that far from Terra Nova. She could land and hop on a transport to anywhere."

"So what's this _brilliant_ idea?" Zaeed knew that finding her quickly mattered. Shepard had threatened to chase after Brooks alone. _Shit._

"We know where she'll head." Cortez pointed to the intel that Liara held in her hand. "We just need to get there first."

"That's it? That's all you have?" He resisted the urge to shoot everyone. "That's not a fucking plan. What happens if the intel is wrong…again? What if Shepard gets there first?"

"You have a better plan?" Vega bumped Zaeed with his shoulder. "We'll find Lola."

"First, we need to get the damn shuttle back." Cortez tossed a datapad to Massani. "I found this, it's got your name on it.

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: A lying fucking bastard._

_Subj: Brooks_

_I'll find the bitch on my own._

_I cannot believe that after everything. After Zorya & Vido, that you'd fucking lie to me about this._

_Shepard_

_P.S. Tell Cortez that his precious shuttle will be at the port on Terra Nova._

* * *

"Damn it." He snapped the datapad in half then hurled it across the room. He looked over at Cortez. "Your bloody shuttle is waiting at the docks."

For the next fucking week, the _Normandy _chased Shepard who in turn chased Brooks. It would be funny if the idea of Shepard getting hurt again didn't worry him so much. He found himself pacing the floor in her quarters talking to her goddamn hamster.

_Bloody woman._

_He was losing his goddamn mind._

Another week passed with no sign of Brooks or Shepard. His mood had not improved much.

* * *

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Withheld_

_From: Shepard_

_To: Massani_

_01:18 S: Hi._

_01:19 Z: Hi? Hi! Where the bloody hell are you?_

_01:21 S: It's a little complicated._

_01:22 Z: Then fucking un-complicate it._

_01:23 S: Vosque is dead._

_01:24 Z: Good._

_01:26 S: Brooks isn't…yet._

_01:29 Z: You'd be faster on the Normandy._

_01:31: S: You lied to me._

_01:32 Z: You needed to rest._

_01:33 S: That was not your decision to make. You fucking lied to me._

_01:34 Z: Sweetheart…_

_01:35 S: I let Hackett know that I am no longer in need of the Normandy. I'd recommend that you disembark before he orders the ship back to Arcturus._

_01:37 Z: What?_

_01:38 S: He can have the ship back. I'm going after Brooks on my own. I don't need the Alliance for that._

_01:40 Z: Ignoring the fact that you fucking talked to that bloody bastard. Let us…or at least me, help you with Brooks._

_01:43 S: And how am I supposed to trust you, Massani? Hmm?_

_01:44 User has disconnected._

* * *

Shepard forced herself to take a few calming breathes. She was probably being a little irrational but logic and her relationship with Zaeed had never really gone hand in hand. She needed a steady hand to take out Brooks though. She'd tracked the bitch to the rebuilt colony on Eden Prime of all places. With Vosque out-of-the-way, the Blue Suns had left Maya out to dry which made tracking the lone woman much easier.

When it was all over, then Shepard would deal with Massani.

_Or he'd deal with her._

_Shit._

Shepard cornered Brooks in an abandoned building near the old dig site where she'd found Javik. The colonists hadn't gotten around to rebuilding this section yet. The fire-fight went on for at least an hour. They were both running out of ammunition. She needed to do something now. Diving from one wall to another, Shepard caught the damn bitch in the shoulder but ended up with a bullet to the side and in her left calf for her effort.

_Damn it._

Maya managed to escape while Shepard patched up her injuries with medi-gel as stolen bandages. The Commander made her way back to the port. Brooks wouldn't hang around long, even if she was injured. One of the workers at the dock told her that Brooks had bordered a cruiser headed for the Citadel.

* * *

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Withheld_

_From: Shepard_

_To: Massani_

_18:36 S: I hear the Normandy headed back to Earth._

_18:40 Z: It did._

_18:42 S: Where are you?_

_18:43 Z: You fucking first, sweetheart._

_18:45 S: Leaving the Exodus Cluster, Utopia to be exact._

_18:47 Z: Utopia? You were on Eden Prime._

_18:50 S: I was._

_18:52 Z: And now?_

_18:53 S: I'm not._

_18:54 Z: Two guns are better than one, Sweetheart._

_18:55 S: Then it's a damn good thing that I carry three or four at any given time._

_18:56 Z: C'mon Shepard, don't be a stubborn bitch. I can help._

_18:58 S: And what happens if you decide that helping means you need to lie to me again?_

_19:18 S: You can't fucking answer that can you?_

_19:18 User has disconnected._

* * *

"Stubborn bastard," Shepard muttered under her breath.

The Citadel was _not_ an ideal place to avoid detection, particularly with its new location in the SOL system, damn the reapers. She managed to get access to C-sec security feeds. Brooks appeared to be hiding in the lower levels of the Zakera wards. The warehouses down there made finding her annoyingly difficult.

But the bitch couldn't hide forever. Shepard put a goddamn bullet between her eyes. She left the body in a crate for C-sec to find. They could deal with the fucking paperwork. As the adrenaline wore off, Shepard realized Maya had gotten a shot off at her.

_Not again_.

She was really tired of getting shot. Maybe with Brooks _and_ Vosque dead, people would stop fucking shooting at her. Maya's shot had just grazed her arm. A little medi-gel and the bleeding had stopped. She decided to head to the Silver Coast Casino for a drink. She needed something fucking strong.

She felt Zaeed before she saw him. The sensation of an intense gaze on the back of her head was unmistakable. Instead of turning around to look for him, she placed her bet on one of the varren. She fully intended to ignore the bastard for as long as possible.

"He doesn't look like much of a winner." A familiar growl resonated in her right ear.

"He might surprise you." She kept her eyes on the table.

His hand clamped on her arm and she had to bite back a loud curse. She didn't have to turn around to know that a frown had been directed her way. His hand lifted up her shirt-sleeve. It gave him a great view of the fresh bullet wound that had started to heal thanks to several doses of medi-gel.

"Is that all the injuries, Sweetheart?" He dropped her sleeve back down.

She looked at him over her shoulder "No."

He raised an eyebrow and waited for more of a response from her.

_He could fucking wait._

She glanced back down to find that she'd lost.

_Fuck_.

So much for a relaxing evening at the casino, she pushed away from the table to head over to the Quasar machines. Zaeed wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the door instead. Apparently, the gambling portion of the evening had come to an end. They walked in silence all the way to her apartment.

"Show me." He followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter while Shepard hunted in the fridge for beer.

She tossed a bottle of beer at him. "Show you what?"

"Injuries."

Setting her beer on the small island in the center of the kitchen, Shepard propped her leg up on a bar stool. She rolled up her pant leg to show the mostly healed wound on her calf. Her foot dropped back to the floor. She lifted up the hem of her shirt next to reveal the scar that ran across her abdomen to her left side.

"Brooks?"

"She's currently rotting in a crate in one of the warehouses of the Zakera ward." Shepard let her shirt fall back down. She grabbed her beer and wandered over to collapse on the couch. Fatigue was too mild a word for how tired she felt at the moment. The hunt had ended and it left her with no energy to be pissed off at him.

"You fucking left." Zaeed propped his elbows on the top of the couch.

Shepard set her bottle on the coffee table. She twisted around so she rested on her back with her legs stretched out on the couch. She rested her head back against her one good arm. She glared up at him. "I was angry."

"I should have told you about the intel that Liara found." He extended his arm out to run his fingers along her arm.

She just nodded in response to his admission. She narrowed her eyes though when his fingers trailed down to the hem of her t-shirt. He raised it up while carefully avoiding her still healing wound. His thumb slid along the underside of her breast.

"Are you still _angry_, Sweetheart?" He continued slowly moving his thumb.

"Bastard," she muttered when his other hand moved down to undo her pants.

"I'll take that as apology bloody accepted."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say, thanks for all the great reviews, and the follows/favorites. It definitely helps me write faster. =)**

**I'm kinda sad letting this story go, but I've got more Hackett/Shepard & Zaeed/Shepard stories to work on. =)**

**Beta: None**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. I'll love you forever lol.**

Shepard leaned against the railing at Bay D24. She'd been watching the ships flying in and out for an hour or longer. It helped her think. Her mind had become obsessed with trying to decide what to do next, or where to go next.

Her friends were moving on with their lives. And the _retired_ Commander Shepard found herself without a damn objective to achieve. Her hands clenched around the railing. Hackett offered her a position on Arcturus. She wisely decided to say no. Hackett and Zaeed did not need to be that close to each other every day. Someone would die, and it would probably be Shepard.

_She was tired of almost dying._

"I have a surprise for you."

Shepard glanced back to find Zaeed standing just behind her. "Does it require a _physical_ search of your person?"

"Maybe later," he smirked at her. He grabbed her hand to lead her towards a waiting skycab.

"Are you sure it doesn't require a strip-search?" Shepard asked when he led her right back to the apartment.

He scowled at her until she fell silent. "How do you feel about colony life?"

"What?" She sat on the edge of the couch while he spoke.

"There's a new colony being built. It's in need of some security advice. They've been having trouble with mercs." Zaeed explained. "It also comes with a beach-front house and shit-load of credits."

"I like idea," she admitted.

"Would you like it better if we were naked in the hot tub, Sweetheart?" He ran a hand over her thigh.

"I like everything better when you're naked, Massani."


End file.
